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Re: Wrestling » Daisym

Posted by antigua3 on July 15, 2008, at 13:01:44

In reply to Wrestling, posted by Daisym on July 14, 2008, at 23:57:22

I know the feeling. I don't really know why I feel so badly right now. I have an appt with my pdoc this afternoon and I'm scared to death to go. My little ones I suspect. After a visit to my mother that went very well, all the devastation (and the feelings) of being abandoned by her came back. I locked them in my beautiful cedar box for a couple of days, but then I decided to let all the feelings out and i"m a mess.

Part of the fear is that I don't let my feelings go with my pdoc. I guess I'm afraid too; maybe I just don't trust him enough. But we've been doing such hard work lately, and I suffer so much in between--and he in no way encourages contact between sessions--that I want to get through this.

I hate this! All of this! Like you, sometimes I just want to scream ENOUGH and put this all in the past, but he says I can't do that until I go through the emotions. It's so hard to me to do. But why? I used to cry and my emotions used to spill over all the time. So then they tell you to learn to control your emotions and then after you've covered them up, they want you to go back there. I don't know if I can do it anymore.

You're lucky. You have a T who really values the T/patient relationship. My pdoc doesn't. He's the conduit, he says, but it's not the relationship between us that matters, although I think it does. I think he does too, but he just doesn't put it that way.

My T is away now, too, and I hate her for it. I think I will call her tomorrow (our regular day for sessions) and try to talk to her about it.

But I'm sliding into depression again. It could be the change in meds, or my hormones (or lack thereof), but it hurts; it hurts so very, very much.

I'm having trouble staying out of bed, and then the depression becomes more apparent to my family, which I hate, hate, hate.

I know my T will remember me forever, but my pdoc won't. I'm just a patient.

I hope you find a way to feel better. The peaks and valleys are almost unbearable, but remember that this, too, shall pass.
antigua

 

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poster:antigua3 thread:839785
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/839850.html