Posted by Daisym on July 17, 2008, at 0:19:38
In reply to Re: Wrestling » Daisym, posted by antigua3 on July 15, 2008, at 13:01:44
I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now. I hope your appointment today went OK. Where did your therapist go? I've been mad at mine too - I want him to do house calls. And today we talked about how hard it is for me to let anyone be there for me - I find pain shameful, particularly physical pain. I got upset with him - because I'd probably let him "be there" for me around the pain but he can't be. Not the physical stuff. He was quiet when I dumped that on him. Truth hurts.
He keeps telling me to "use our connection" so I don't feel so alone with all of this. And so that I can stand up to both my parents. My slide into depression started when my mother actually called up my father a few weeks ago and told him he should come and stay with me for awhile because I needed some "dad time." His response to her was "No - she just needs a man in her bed." *sigh* Somethings will never change. My mom then called me and said, "I did a stupid thing. You are going to be mad at me." And then she told me and told me what he said. I was so upset - not only because she was given me over to him again but because she then wanted me to comfort her around his crass comments. And I had to call him and say "don't come" - and now he has been calling every few days. They make me crazy.
My therapist was thrilled with me telling both of them to back off. But it didn't feel good at all. It stirred up lots of feelings about being abandoned and being a pain in the a&&. So maybe we have to go through all the feelings but I agree that it is super painful and we need to do it as fast as possible.
We talked about going back on medications but I can't right now due to an upcoming surgery. So I feel the slide into darkness but also feel powerless to stop it. Bottom has to be here somewhere, right?
poster:Daisym
thread:839785
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/840097.html