Posted by LadyBug on July 2, 2008, at 23:27:42
In reply to Re: Happyflower, I'll answer that for ya ;o) » LadyBug, posted by Happyflower on July 2, 2008, at 18:52:41
As I've said, thanks so much for the kind words of support during a very difficult time.
In some ways this issue with my T has been harder for me to get through than it was to leave my marriage. With the marriage it took me almost 2 years to prepare emotionally to leave and even then after 23 years I wondered what my world was going to be like.
This with my T has hurt me deeply and it reminds me of my childhood issues of abandonment. I was never abandoned in a real sense only that my Mom is bipolar and couldn't care for me as an infant because she was hospitalized when I was born and my grandma had to take care of me. Because of her bipolar illness and the lack of medication they had to treat any kind of depression back then I had a very challenging childhood and had to figure things out for myself. She wasn't emotionally there for me ever! Until I got into my 20's that is and the med's had improved to where she could function better.I miss my Mom right now so much.. She has severe dementia now and can't even remember when I go to see her. And not much of what she says now makes much sense. She was my best friend throughout the trouble in my marriage. My parents were very supportive of me. Now they don't even know where I live, they were never able to come to visit because they weren't healthy enough to make the 2 hour trip each way.
I'm crying as I write this. I got a letter today from my (ex) husband. He's still in jail and even though I pretty much hate him, to lose all communication with him at the same time I got into it with my T has been overwhelming. I found myself calling him just to see what he was doing. Not that I cared but he was at least someone to talk to. We tried to be civil. His letters are all mushy, no apologizes, just how much he loves me and thinks about all the fun times we used to have. It's so hard for me to read because he's right. I would have never married him hadn't I been totally and madly in love with him. But the roller coaster ride began and it's been up and down ever since until I had to get off the ride!!!
Thanks for being my friend. It means so much. No one in my real life has any idea how much I'm suffering right now. I do have friends, lots of them, but when I get depressed, I don't want to call and hang out with anyone.
(((HF)))
Thanks
LadyBug
poster:LadyBug
thread:837641
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080616/msgs/837782.html