Posted by LadyBug on July 2, 2008, at 11:02:59
I have been quiet myself wanting to withdraw from the posting world. But I came across your question and had to reply. The answer is just as I thought, NO I haven't heard a peep from my T.
She said "no voice mail unless it was for scheduling" so she has to follow her own rule I guess. It's been hurtful. Last night I was trying to analyze this and ask myself what I felt she's feeling after receiving my letter and copy of my post from Babble from mid April. Apparently she didn't feel bad enough to try to contact me to work anything out. One of her issues was "no voice mail" and we had to contain our work within the hour and nothing in between. One of the reasons of hurt for me.
After 11 years working with her, I've always been allowed to contact her between appointments, in fact, she encouraged it all along. I would learn that I could rely on someone in my life.
I've thought about taking a babble break as well. This issue with my T is too painful for me to even talk about and I feel like a pain in the butt for posting any further on this topic. I don't want to sound like a loser even though I feel like the biggest failure for having this happen to me in my therapy. I can't work through it alone. I'll never come to any closure with what happened between us unless I see her. Something I can't bring myself to do for the time, if ever. She hurt me too badly. Call me stubborn, but in my world I take so much and when that boundary has been crossed, I know when to quit.
I never in my wildest dreams would imagine anything like this ever happening to me. I trusted my T was the best and would never, ever, turn on me. And she has. I feel like she expected more of me and didn't take into consideration all that I've been through this past year. It was more than I could handle when everything piled on me at once or at least in a short amount of time. I'm human, I have a breaking point and I hit it the week my daughter had her baby and the adoption of my grandchild. It still hurts like hell. Basically I've lost my marriage of 23 years, my first grandchild, both my parents to dementia, and now my T. This has all happened in less than I year. Throw in moving to a new place, and starting a new job a few months ago. That's pretty stressful too. But it's the loss that is the hardest for me. No wonder I sometimes find myself crying while talking to someone about it.
I'm over the top with pain and loss. I feel guilty for even writing about it here. Like I need to keep it all to myself. That is how my T made me feel. Like I need to keep it in and deal with it. When she said she gave me too much sympathy during the pregnancy and adoption, that's when I broke. It was a jab in my heart I have never felt before with her or anyone for that matter.
I could go on and write a book. I'm sorry not to be much support for anyone these days. I have many people here I truly care about. I've been given a lot of support here when I've needed it. It means a lot to me because I know people here understand like not many do. I appreciate that.
Don't leave, maybe I should take a break from here. Only because I feel like a needy toddler and I need to grow up and stand on my own like my T told me. Stand on my own. That's a problem, I've had to do that all my life! It would be nice to have the personal support that I need, not that I want, but need. We all need people in our lives. I'm no different.
LadyBug
poster:LadyBug
thread:837641
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080616/msgs/837641.html