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Re: Is it awful of me? rskontos

Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2008, at 17:49:36

In reply to Re: Is it awful of me? Dinah, posted by rskontos on May 21, 2008, at 17:01:50

You're often right, you know. :)

I think you're right about self improvement. I don't think any of us will ever be finished. But that's no reason to stop trying. lol.

I think you're right that therapy can't make you *all better*, but it can make you some better. Improvement for me wasn't some beautiful breakthrough moment that solved everything. It was more like a bunch of small things adding up to make a "big enough" difference.

Money is a hard issue. No doubt about it. And worse because it brings up my fears of being like my mother. The faults my mother has always bother me worse when I find them in myself than other types of faults do.

If he came to me tomorrow and said, "Dinah, I don't care about the money. You don't have to pay me anymore. Just come by a couple of times a week and we'll talk, maybe go for lunch." I'd be horrified. Absolutely horrified. The money... Oh gosh. The money protects me as much as it benefits him. The money protects me from having any unacceptable demands placed on me. The money gives me a balance of power back and without it he'd have all the power and I'd have none. The money allows me to be starkly intimate with him, while protecting me from intimacy.

 

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