Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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The ticker rolled over.

Posted by Dinah on May 20, 2008, at 12:21:08

And I missed it! I wasn't even paying attention.

My therapist now has over 100,000 (dollars) on him for 925 fifty minute hours.

That's less than half the time I'd spend with my coworkers in one year if I worked full time.

It's bringing up some complex feelings, and I'm surprised. I've known it was coming for some time. And I was planning to mark the exact rollover check. Maybe drawing a little diagram in the memo line. I was thinking of it lightheartedly.

But now it's happened, I'm not sure what I feel. The clearest feeling is a bruised noggin from bumping head on into one of those pesky boundaries. That if I ran out of money, I'd never see him again. That I pay to see him. But he wouldn't see me unless I paid him. Ouch. I know it, but reaching that milestone has brought it up.

But that's not all. I just can't pin down the other feelings. It isn't anything as simple as horror or regret about the money. It's something about what it means.

He was pretty cool about it. He seemed embarrassed when I mentioned it, and he acknowledged that money is an uncomfortable issue for him. But he gamely asked if I had any feelings about the milestone, and I did my best to answer. Difficult, since I don't really know what they are. At one point he was clearly blushing. :)

It's nice to know there are things he's embarrassed about too. He rarely seems embarrassed.

In fact, we talked about my reluctance to talk about the dream I had about him, and he clearly steeled himself to hear about a sexually charged dream. But it was a dream I've had at least once before that he was having a baby (not him personally of course, I assume his wife). When I asked, he said no, he wasn't. He said he wasn't sure what the dream meant. It doesn't seem like a big mystery to me. Dreaming my therapist/mommy had a baby?

Sigh. I think I was reluctant to tell him because I was afraid of bumping into another barrier. Silly. I told him the last time, and I've told him far worse. But I guess I'm still feeling anxious not to be intrusive.




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