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self-injury triggers muffled

Posted by llurpsienoodle on May 15, 2008, at 7:22:57

In reply to Re: Dear T. self-injury triggers, posted by muffled on May 15, 2008, at 1:24:28

> LLurpy.
> You got alot of wrong stuff in your head.
> I did too. Still do. But gotten rid of some.
> My T and I argued out some of my false beleifes. Its hard to let go of them. REALLY hard.
> Keep plugging away at it.

How's this for one: T doesn't really care about me, he just wants to be paid. That would be an example of "mind reading" and I need to counter it with a more accurate belief. T thinks I'm an intriguing, interesting person. He has said on multiple occasions that he likes me as a person, and that he looks forward to sessions with me.

> Some good ol CBT stuff might be good.
> I HATE CBT stuff, boring as hell somehow, but it DOES help....eventually. I am VERY stubborn.
> Take good care of yourself LL.

Well, i took a nice long aromatherapy bath. it was soothing. But then h and I got into long discussion of $3700 worth of bills that are going to wipe out our bank account, necessitating sellin of stocks, etc. what a mess. I felt trapped and hopeless. The only thing I could think of was... no more beads for my craft projects. See, I'm all out of beads and there's not likely to be any more on the way. (woe is me). and then I felt very sad, because the bead extravaganza was part of my strategy to keep the hyper-happies going. And then I felt desperate and found an x-acto knife and cut my arm until it bled. satisfied, I went to bed and slept a few hours.

> Try and recognize the lies and sort them from the truth.
> Cuz the truth is you are a good person who had a very rough upbringing and coped as best you could as a kid, yes A KID, you were just a freaking KID for crying out loud. I am around kids alot. They DON'T know stuff, they just DON'T.

I think my dad's love for me was very complicated. He loved money more, that much is obvious. He is an extremely selfish, violent man. I am transferring that onto T.

> So don't beleive the bad lies LL. You are OK, you are an OK person just as you are. You are working hard to repair the damage. Its a long slow process but your GETTING better. Its hard.
> Hang in there OK?
> I be thinkin of you.
> M


thank you for thinking of me. sorry I'm such a disappointment




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