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Re: I woke up with stupor Nadezda

Posted by llurpsienoodle on May 14, 2008, at 5:43:58

In reply to Re: I woke up with stupor, posted by Nadezda on May 13, 2008, at 20:45:48

> Llurpsie, maybe this is more about your grieving for you kitty than the money.
>
I broke down crying and had to ask T for a tissue, which I've never done before.

> Are you punishing yourself for grieving, for feeling this loss, for having perhaps not protected your kitty?

yes

>
> The money is an issue-- but I don't think it's the real issue at the moment. You'll have a job, and will be more responsible about the money. Maybe you were a bit hypomanic; maybe you had unexpected dental bills-- or didn't account as much for them as was best--
>
> but the emotions about your kitty seem to have plunged you into the emotions of the moment, the self-blame and self-punishment.
>
> And I think you should call your T if you're in this much pain-- whether you've paid him in a timely way or not.
>

I feel he is sick of hearing about the kitty, and the kitty's body. It was traumatic to find the kitty in the way we did. gruesome, even

> And, by the way, you're not ripping him off-- you will pay him.-- Perhaps that's become another reason to punish yourself-- but you don't deserve this outpouring of blame.

I feel I do, but I guess you're right. You have good insight

>
> It's important not to hurt yourself-- and not to deprive yourself of his help, if you need it. Try, if you possibly can, to reach out--- even if part of you doesn't want to.

none of me wishes to reach out. I just want to keep my pain and self-hatred self-contained. Ergo, I don't call him until I feel better. The fair-weather patient.

-Ll


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