Posted by rskontos on May 8, 2008, at 11:54:54
Well this might be long but here goes.
Due to Muffled's, Dinahs, B2c and some others posts, I have gained some new insights into my own therapy. I have realized that perhaps my therapist an d I aren't a good fit. He isn't present like Dinah and raisinb and Llurpsie and others talk about. I think he cares but only as a therapist. He is the ultimate good perfect therapist. And lately he is sleepy so much he isn't that.
I discovered while reading here and doing a great deal of thinking that I knew this even early on, but due to my crisis I accepted it. I knew it deep down that sometimes you compromise you just work with what you got. He did have some good insights that helped. He did help with my immediate problems. I am not in crisis. But now, he doesnt get my DD.
I am getting frustrated with trying to get him to help me. I tell him how I feeling and he doesn't answer. I think of so many things I have said to him that he doesn't respond. And my inners have backed off because they don't feel any connectedness that is a threat. Nor will they come out so he can't help me with them. But on my own, the flashbacks are back. In fact, this morning I had a very frightening one but I will not share it with him. I might on another thread share it here. I just don't think he can help or cares really.
I told him I thought therapy was a lonely process, if he asked me why and I try to explain and I get frustrated and say I don't know, he will leave it alone. He never pushes anything.
Yet in my reading he should try more to help me and my inners come out I think. He really doesn't give me much at this point. In fact one instance I remember dissociating he actually dismissed and I was pissed. That was the last time I shared with him openly. Now he has to ask me.
He doesn't realize the change either. He doesn't seem engaged, or notice how I am changing. Or if he does he is treating it like I am a science experiment. I felt like that from the beginning but I buried it. Now it is coming out again and now I can't bury it.
So I think now that i have tapered to once a week I might tell him I need a break. And see how that goes. It might give me insight as to how he feels as I can't seem to get much out of him. Somehow I think things changed.
Maybe I am being weird but I have discuss this with him and still he acts the same.
And the sleepy thing is just too much. Soon I am going to blow up about that.
I think it is time for someone new or a break altogether. He is actually making me ashamed of therapy. What is up with that?
I never felt that way before.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:827937
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080508/msgs/827937.html