Posted by Dinah on April 8, 2008, at 7:57:21
In reply to Re: Something hard to talk about » DAisym, posted by raisinb on April 7, 2008, at 13:37:57
I don't have responsibility OCD for nothing. :)
My therapist says it's partly because my parents led me to believe I had way more power in the family than I genuinely did. Allowed me to be peacemaker and go between and distractor and calmer. But it's very hard for me to take responsibility for any part I play in any sort of argument, and try to fix it. Especially to modify my part.
I wouldn't want my husband to feel any discomfort from my actions for the world. I love him so much, and appreciate his wonderful qualities and all the things he does for me and for the family. I don't want to hurt him.
Yet, I suppose that while my husband has the total devotion of rational me, emotional me really only speaks to my therapist. This is partly because my husband doesn't particularly care for emotional me in either bad or even good moods. I'm torn about that. On the one hand, I recognize that this is a part of me where my therapist is of immense importance to me. I'm enormously attached and maybe that isn't right for a wife. Although that part of me isn't really a wife. Not in any real sense of the word. That part of me isn't grown up enough to be a wife.
But I also am completely aware that my husband doesn't want this part of me. Is angered and annoyed by it, and consistently rejects it. So I suppose it makes me angry that he would in any way mind my giving away something he does not wish. My allowing that part of me to be and exist and live, when he doesn't want it. It seems like sour grapes.
Of course, my husband doesn't think in those terms. In an emotional sense his thinking is very concrete. Almost amusingly so when we find ourselves in the company of a therapist together. He'd never put this kind of thought into what was going on and would hate any attempts I made at doing so.
poster:Dinah
thread:822011
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/822167.html