Posted by raisinb on February 20, 2008, at 22:04:29
In reply to Re: *sigh* another fight--thoughts? *long, Tfighttrig*, posted by antigua3 on February 20, 2008, at 19:51:29
Hi Antigua, thank you for asking such helpful questions.
Does this relationship mirror any you have had in the past?
Oh yes. Almost exactly. My issue isn't whether I'm repeating my patterns; it's whether she is too involved/pulled into them/competent enough to work them through with me.
And yes, I do see her as an object to punish. I have so much rage that it seems unmanageable.
As for crying...when I read about your T's tears, I felt like hers were "empathy tears"--they express how bad she feels for you. I feel that mine cries to express her own feelings in reaction to me (if that makes sense) and that her tears are for her.
Only you know if her behavior is acceptable/helpful to your treatment and whether it works for you. Do you want to push through this with her, or do you think she has crossed your boundary lines and can no longer see clearly enough to help you?
Well...here's the interesting thing. Yes, her behavior has crossed my boundaries, and no, I don't believe it's helpful or acceptable.
But it does work for me on some level I don't understand. Whenever I think about leaving I get anxious and panicky--I feel like I *need* this relationship--and I got severely depressed when I quit for about six weeks a few months ago.
Am I exploring my own issues in an atmosphere or trust and safety? No.
Am I getting something out of feeling sure in my own conviction that the problem isn't all me, and holding my own, while not leaving the relationship? Am I getting self-esteem and self-acceptance and a sense of strength out of calling her on her b.s. every single time it happens? Do I feel great that I can say "this is wrong" even though I am hopelessly attached to her and the relationship? Yup.
I don't know how healthy or therapeutic that is. It seems a lot different than how therapy's supposed to go, you know? I always thought I'd learn to trust her and relax and change, and somehow I have changed by realizing that I was right about her (in many ways) all along and that all I needed to do was to trust myself.
But I still feel like I'm unable to leave, and I have no excuse except the intense attachment I have to her, and the pain, depression and horrible isolation I'd feel if I left.
poster:raisinb
thread:813598
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/813828.html