Posted by rskontos on February 10, 2008, at 16:52:15
In reply to About the disjointed journal entry... » rskontos, posted by Racer on February 10, 2008, at 15:30:52
Racer, you don't give your self enough credit. Yes Daisym does put things into words well but this is well written and does help:)
Especially after a REALLY tough day.
I think now I will give more thought about him reading it. And maybe the second version too if he wants. I really want to have the dependent/rely/trust/etc. discussion with him too. I think it is crucial at this point.
I really related to your extended subscription. It does feel like protection because if they depend on you then you won't depend on them. My mother was very scary lady. And I, in later years, told myself she needed me not that I needed her. I think I was putting her in the extended subscription role so that I took her power or some of it away. After she died, I realized that was not true but it was something I did to try and protect myself further than just dissociating.
I would say that I have always had true intimacy issues. It just plain makes me nervous. And yet I have learned I total surpress my own feelings to please others and continue to do this IRL situations. (IE think IL situations.)
I have continued to try and look at my definition of dependency and still find it hard to define. But I am trying. Boundaries I have problems with still. My own boundaries. I always wait until they have been crossed too often before I say stop.
I see now through this thread, I do really need therapy. It was denial in my mind when in any other threads I said i would maybe quit as I can not do that. I need to work on intimacy, boundaries, how to trust for myself, and so many more things.
Whew, i never knew I was a work so badly in need of progress that maybe a community is needed or a few thousand years.
Thanks again, Racer for the reply.. It most certainly helped.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:810610
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/811891.html