Posted by raisinb on January 25, 2008, at 19:03:31
In reply to thoughts on this?, posted by raisinb on January 19, 2008, at 9:07:41
So now we *are* fighting. I had a heck of a session yesterday. She *yelled* at me (well, her voice wasn't that loud, but it was yelling).
She kept pressuring me to open up (well, at least it felt like pressure), and I refused, and started criticizing her for how she hasn't been trustworthy with me, so why should I trust her? (I do say this kind of thing a lot, so perhaps she is getting tired of it).
I told her I had a reason for making this decision (to not open up and detach emotionally), and I've explained why I'm doing it multiple times. She said that I was simply detaching from her and gearing myself up to quit, that it wasn't a *decision*, that it was a "response" because I was angry with her, that I was talking, but I just talked about "stupid stuff that has no meaning to you" and that every question she tried didn't work (these are all overstatements. I answer her questions when I'm comfortable, and I do talk about stuff that has meaning to me).
She also said that she didn't want to fight with me, so I offered to change the subject (more than once). She didn't want this, either, because we wouldn't "resolve" the situation then. So we kept fighting. It's the maddest I've ever seen her. It felt like I was the calm one, but that reason and trying to defuse the situation didn't work.
I understand her position, but at this point I'm not in the mood to cave to what feels like bullying. Also, as illogical as it may be, this detachment is working for me, and I'm loathe to give it up. Formerly, after a bad fight with her, I'd cry and be depressed and have difficulty at work for days. Now, I'm okay and my life isn't suffering.
Are we supposed to be fighting like this? It's been going on for two years and I'm tired of it. I do express a lot of anger towards her, but isn't she supposed to listen instead of fighting with me? And isn't this my dime, anyway? If I want to, why can't I sit there in silence the whole time? I don't understand this.
It doesn't seem productive. Has anyone had their T yell at them like this?
poster:raisinb
thread:807581
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080114/msgs/808919.html