Posted by raisinb on January 19, 2008, at 9:07:41
My T and I have been having a difference of opinion for the last few weeks. It started a while back, when she said something that I felt was very hurtful, and I had a very strong reaction, and ended up quitting for a little over a month. I decided to go back, but we are still resolving what happened.
In a nutshell, here's the argument: I say that I need (and she should provide) a "safe" environment--therefore, she shouldn't say things that she knows will hurt me. She says that she wants me to feel safe and accepted, but that "sometimes as a therapist I feel the need to say things I know will hurt" for therapeutic reasons. Inside, my reaction is "you are going to hurt me knowingly!!? How can I trust you?"
My response has been to shut down, to refuse to answer questions on certain topics or any questions about feelings, stating that I simply can't open up if I know she might come in and hurt me when I'm vulnerable. She is worried and upset by this but says she can't guarantee that what happened before won't happen again. It's turned into a bit of a standoff--not an acrimonious one, but still, a standoff.
It's complicated by the fact that I feel *good* setting limits with her. It makes me feel stronger, less vulnerable, and more like I am taking care of myself, rather than waiting for her to do it (and knowing that she'll fail sometimes).
So am I being unreasonable, or is she being mean?
poster:raisinb
thread:807581
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080114/msgs/807581.html