Posted by Dinah on August 31, 2007, at 11:56:05
In reply to Re: he called » Dinah, posted by Dory on August 31, 2007, at 11:45:00
Maybe you can think of boundaries like a garden? If you let things grow too close to a plant, they don't have the room to get light, to get air, to get nutrients, and they wither and die.
The boundaries are just good maintenance to keep the tender seedling (the relationship) with enough space to grow. They're the garden fence, or the mulch around the plant to keep other plants from choking it or trees from overshadowing it. The other plants aren't bad, the tree isn't bad. There is nothing bad in the garden. You're just tending to the needs of the relationship.
Unfortunately, every relationship has its own needs, and those needs need to be negotiated over time between the participants.
(I can't remember where I learned this metaphor. It might been in premarital counseling classes.)
poster:Dinah
thread:779336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070822/msgs/779965.html