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Re: he called Dory

Posted by Dinah on August 31, 2007, at 11:34:02

In reply to he called, posted by Dory on August 31, 2007, at 10:58:12

It sounds like he wants to be there with you for the long term. And while his redefining the boundaries might hurt, relationships are living things, and sometimes things need to be shifted this way or that. It hurts like h*ll. But the intent is to protect the relationship and let it thrive.

My therapist told me once, and I wish I could remember the words, that the boundaries protected both of us, and most importantly the relationship. The way he said it hurt. But the fact that he cared enough about keeping the relationship vital was important to me too.

Maybe if you can think of this as not something he did for him, or against you, but something he did to protect the relationship between you and give it optimal conditions for growth, maybe that would help you see it not as abandonment, but as commitment in the deepest sense. Maybe if you can see the entity as a still new and tender thing, springing with roots and nourishment from each of you, but separate in that it has its own needs to thrive that may not be identical with the needs of either of you? Or think of things in terms of what's best for the relationship? Which you'd like to see grow long and sturdily.

I don't know...




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