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Re: for everyone **SI triggers** Dory

Posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 22:51:58

In reply to for everyone **SI triggers**, posted by Dory on August 30, 2007, at 22:17:40

> i'm too drained to write to everyone individually but each post meant something to me i promise.

**S'OK Dory, I'm that way too.
>
> my pdoc asked me what i was doing and i told him i had been drinking too much most every night and other things i shouldn't be doing, but i was unable to talk about it.. he knew though. He just asked me if it was "self abusive behaviours," and i said yes. i have a hard time using words about that stuff. i don't do what i used to do, i have found other ways.

*Well, at least p-doc is in the loop....
Other ways....more not so bad ways? Or worse ways?
Hope its better not so bad ways....
I am OK w/SI until other better coping mechanisms are discovered....but BE SAFE.
For me, drinking was a baddie, made me worse....

> i am wanting so badly to talk to my T about this... but i don't feel safe anymore. i don't feel it's ok. i want to "touch" the connection to reassure myself and it's not ok. i try so hard to be me there..to be authentic and not the projection i am for everyone else... i have to keep touching that connection to be sure i haven't done anything wrong... that by being myself i haven't screwed up.

**Awww Dory, hurts to read this. I'm so sorry you goto feel like this. I'm not exactly sure wassup w/your T??? Hope he comes round...

> i have been a mess since monday.

(((Dory)))

> i need to call him.. but it's not ok

*yeah, SO sucks not being able to call, hang in there...

> i need to tell him that it is *him* that i am upset about, but i can't.. i can't risk having him react in a negative way. THAT is one of my biggest problems...that i cannot process that very exact scenario.

**Dory...I dunno if your T is any good or not, you ahven't been going to him all that long. Its SO hard for us to REALLY understand sometimes whats going on, cuz we got triggers and stuff and we don't always understand what drives us. But T is supposed to journey down the road to understanding WITH us...
Which isn't to say they can BE with us all the time, and its hard when you lose connection so fast...
Can you find ways to 'hold' onto him w/o needing to phone etc? Ways been discussed on babble include voicemail, tapes, notes, actual items to hold, etc. Many of these things helped me.

> i go over and over what i could say in a message... and i can't do it.

*Dory, what you said here is so beautiful....cna you send him your post?
He either gonna understand...or not...but I guess its best to know one way or another, cuz if he not able to help you, then there WILL be someone who can, you just need to find them...
The theraputic relationship in of itself is so impoertant to healing...
Also, the very thing you fear from your T, is proly a great clue on what you might need to address and work on.
Best wishes to you Dory, hate to see you hurting, bur sure nice to see you posting.
Muffled

 

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