Posted by OzLand on June 19, 2007, at 21:16:36
In reply to Re: Been having more psycho episodes » OzLand, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 18, 2007, at 10:23:57
> > Sorry, but we don't get to choose when this stuff pops up. God knows, I sure did not want it to pop up two years ago, but it did.
>
> Yeah, why is that? Is it an environmental trigger? I think it was, in my case (combination of dissertation stress/advisor transferrence/body work with a man. And the more I fight it, the worse it gets, until it occupies SO much of my mental space that I cannot do anything else but ruminate on my symptoms and resist resist and pretend that all is normal. Such a struggle.
>Sorry about that; yes it is usually some sort of environmental trigger. Was for me too; got sick with all sorts of things all at once and had to have four surgeries in one year. EGADS!! And now I am haunted with what I thought I had stuffed away.
> I think I already hold the title of Queen of Avoidance. However, if you'd like an honorary title, I may bestow one on you after talking to my privy council.
>Nope; you can keep the title.
> I also hold the title PoPPP, Princess of PolyPsychoPharmacy, however, my favor with the pdoc has declined in recent weeks, and I'm not sure if I will be able to maintain that title with the new pdocs.
>You can keep that one too; so far I am only taking Parnate and Neurontin, but I am looking at possibly needing another surgery, and today after therapy I was back at work and writing a report. I started to dissociate about stuff I need to talk about and want to AVOID. T: Why do you think you are so resistant; ME: IDK; I guess I don't want to start to feel worse (unspoken part I didn't say: "You scare the sh*t out of me; I hardly know you; how do I know I can trust you; my last T really hurt me badly not just with words but with his incessant insistance on my doing ECT." Even the ECT doc aknowledged I have probably lost IQ points. Those two doctors can go shock each other's brains now.
> On a more serious note, I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk about ANYTHING in therapy. See, this month marks the transition between newT (who I'm saying farewell to) and quieT (who I'm just starting to know) so far so good, but we'll see how things progress...
>Yes this is a difficult time for you now; Try to relax. Oh what a hipocrite am I; I can't even relax myself.
> I feel like there's no one to talk to, and I'm bad at asking for help. Many of the resources that I had as a student are no longer available :( I feel a keen loss of pdoc and dear friends. :(
>Would they be okay with an email or phone call?
> Thanks for your words, I figure you're a few steps ahead of me. Le me know what happens down the road, k?
>
Maybe a few steps ahead. I just realized I have been seeing my T for almost two months, and I am still resisting. I don't think that is a long time, though, and neither does he. I am impatient though to get my sh*t together and move on, and so Friday I will dive in. I may start to dissociate as I did at work and might actually see someone who I don't recognize (what happened at work and scared the sh*t out of me), but I have to try. It's now or never I figure. No time is a good time.> -Ll
poster:OzLand
thread:763725
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/764288.html