Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 17, 2007, at 12:21:37
I think it's related to switching T's, since my medication hasn't changed.
Things like depersonalization (which is the most bewildering and distressing condition of feeling like one's body parts (i.e. when viewed in a mirror, or looking down at the hands) don't belong to me.
Strange sensations when I close my eyes. Like my body is huge and tiny at the same time.
Like my body is being pulled in different directions with sharp cords.
Hearing voices in the ambient noise. Even with earplugs. The voices can't be distinguished, or understood- just sounds like a background murmur. This happens when I'm trying to fall asleep. Whenever I open my eyes, the voices are silenced.
I can't fall asleep unless I feel safe, which means NOT closing my eyes.
2 nights ago, I fell asleep while focusing my eyes on a star in the night sky (remembering that I used to stare at the moon out of my window when household circumstances prohibited falling asleep)
Last night I just took a klonopin and stared at the ceiling.
Seems like my body is trying to tell me something, but I'm not really in a position to listen, because I feel too much change in my life right now. I DONT WANT THIS STUFF right now. I just want to chill out and relax.
I'm terrified that these psycho episodes are what awaits me if I don't distract myself every minute of the day. Spinning out of control is just not an option that is acceptable to me, at least not until I'm actually in a safe therapy environment, and I have a pdoc who will be there to clean up the mess. :(
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:763725
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/763725.html