Posted by peddidle on February 11, 2007, at 19:28:17
In reply to secondary gains from depression, posted by wishingstar on February 11, 2007, at 17:05:57
My T has never brought this issue up in therapy, but it is something I have been thinking about recently. I was only diagnosed with dysthymia (along with a couple other things) within the last 2 or 3 years. My diagnosis before that was OCD, a diagnosis that I never really accepted. I have had 2 T's and one pdoc since that first T/pdoc, and none of them have said I have OCD. I sort of accepted the OCD diagnosis, but I was never truly convinced.
The dysthymia diagnosis makes sense to me. The problem is, now that is how I see myself. People are allowed to be pessimists, but why is there something wrong with me if I tend to be pessimistic? Sometimes when I find myself kind of down, I wonder if that is just who I am. Do other, "normal", people ever feel sad for no particular reason?
Now that I finally have this amazing T, will I lose her if I get "better"? Of course I will, there's no reason to go to a therapist if you are "cured" (although, my T believes that everyone could benefit from having a therapist). My parents are great, so I never lacked love and attention, but I can't help getting attached to this person who is so warm, funny, and accepting.
I think part of the reason we "hold on" to our depression, or any other diagnosis, is because we don't know anything different. Especially if you have been depressed for a long time, you don't know how to be any other way. Yes, that is what therapy is for, to teach you how to be happy again. But maybe this is just the way we are. Of course it isn't good to be in a chronic bad mood, or to feel like crying all the time, but not everyone is an eternal optimist either. Maybe we are afraid of losing the part of ourselves that makes us who we are.
That's just my two cents.
poster:peddidle
thread:731877
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/731922.html