Posted by wishingstar on February 11, 2007, at 17:05:57
My therapist and I spend a lot of time talking about "secondary gains" from depression. What makes it so hard for me to let go of? What am I getting from it (aside from feeling crappy)?
For me, I think the secondary gain is that I'm being nurtured and "taken care of" by my T when I'm in crisis, which is something I never received as a child. That doesnt mean that I'm creating it on purpose (definitely not), but I think recognizing that pattern does play a role in my recovery. Sometimes I find myself sabotaging myself and my recovery when it gets too scary, too uncomfortable, or starts moving too quickly. I find that I dont know who I am, what to do, how to live a normal life without depression anymore. And I do think these fears can work to keep me depressed, at least in a small way.
I'm hesitating to post this because if taken wrong, it can sound like "I dont want to get better! I like depression!" and that is absolutely NOT true. I'd give anything to feel better. I just think it's also important and interesting to look at all the roles it can play in our (or my) life.
I guess I'm posting this less for personal support and more just as a thing for others to think about. Do you think you have any secondary gains from your depression/bipolar/etc? If anyone does and wants to share, I'd be interested to hear it.. but of course you dont have to. It's just something I'm toying with in my mind right now.
poster:wishingstar
thread:731877
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/731877.html