Posted by cubic_me on February 12, 2007, at 10:30:50
In reply to secondary gains from depression, posted by wishingstar on February 11, 2007, at 17:05:57
> For me, I think the secondary gain is that I'm being nurtured and "taken care of" by my T when I'm in crisis, which is something I never received as a child.
I can really identify with this, I think it's why I find it so hard to get out of the cycle. Even if no-one is 'taking care' of me (because I don't tell anyone how I'm feeling), I can take care of myself, either by treating myself/taking it easy, or through SI and 'caring' for the wounds.
>
> I'm hesitating to post this because if taken wrong, it can sound like "I dont want to get better! I like depression!" and that is absolutely NOT true. I'd give anything to feel better. I just think it's also important and interesting to look at all the roles it can play in our (or my) life.I tend to thing that 'I want to want to get better', I think that's what I'm looking for in therapy. Ofcourse intellectually I don't want to be this way, but it doesn't always feel that way.
I think it's a very hard concept for people who haven't been depressed (or had any other mental health issue) to understand. Why would anyone sabbotage their improvement? It sounds mad, but when you've only known yourself as being depressed, it's scary to think you might not have it there. I sometimes feel depression is a comforting feeling, because it's better than feeling nothing (emptyness etc). I suppose it's a bit like giving up smoking if you've done it all your adult life - you know it's bad for you, you want to not smoke, but there's a draw there, both as a habit and as something comforting, and you don't know how you'll cope with it not being there any more.
poster:cubic_me
thread:731877
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/732095.html