Posted by Scentedgarden on December 7, 2006, at 7:54:54
In reply to Re: anyone still in love with their T..? Or not..? » Scentedgarden, posted by Declan on December 7, 2006, at 1:35:39
> If I was you (don't take my advice) I would not be trying to work through the transferance so much as to wallow in it, if only because it is so interesting and the working through it is not. But perhaps it's not so easy. You want your T to love you, you love your T, but doubts remain.
> I dunno about the loving back. My understanding was that ethics did not permit a dropping of the role (if role it is).
> I spent 15 years with my T, 5 days a week, so there was a lot of role and not much else.
> But I don't mean to imply that it was an act or anything like that. I believed, and still do, that she loved me. But that was that.
Awe ...!! Declan your posts are so full of wisdom and truth, as i can feel you have experienced this for yourself and you have been a huge help to me..THANKYOU..
i did wallow in it for about 1 and half years then i felt my desire to hear her moans of pleasure as i made love to her became too much for me to take ..so i began to act up in therapy pushing her to erminate me...but she didnt terminate and we got throught that rocky patch...
it's hard to write it all on here as i dont want the whole world to kow, and i feel if she ever read his board she would know it was me for sure if i go into much more details...
Thanks for directing me to the posts above for info on the person behind the therapist...I will have alook for sure.
I was hoping you could tll me what sort of efforts you made to do the same, were they just in your conversations...fishing for info, or did you try outside of thrapy to know more about her..?
if you dont want to asnswer i understand...
i could email you privately if that is something you consider allright.. i dont know..
But you are wonderful for me right now, so i thank you so much, as i have been struggling so much with it all ...i hardly ever post here but i read them and usually find other people are going through the exact same things as me, so i just learn from reading the posts..
but this was something i hadnt seen alot of lately on here, the whole desire to be her lover thing, and that has been very hard for me to take at times, as i dont think i want to make someone moan with pleasure more than i want my therapist to with ME...
how sad is that/!!! How stupid aam I!
am i so sik in the head that i fancy someone so much that i cant have...? why won't it go away? why did it come? How can anyone feel so much for someone just because they listen to you well..
I'm sorry this is long...I'm crying telling you this right now..and i've read all the books on it i can find..in the last 18 months since it began i have read dozens...but in the end...this is happening to me...and it doesnt matter if i have read it in a book..
hope that makes sense, i love books i read lots, It's just that i want this so much , and i'm denying my feelings ever time i see her, as there is nothing we can do about them anyway, so i have to focus on my other problems and just not deal with this...this that makes me feel stupid and silly...
I measn to keep on telling someone you cant have that you want them is insane!!!
and will only make me look like a plonker!
I would go off someone quicker than snow off a dyke if someone kept on telling me thay wanting to f**k my brains out, so i dont want to be the worst ve4rsion of myself with her...
we only have an hour fornitghly now...it was once a week for 2 years and before that fornightly to begin with...i dont want to waste it by telling her things she cant let me do or do to me anyway...