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Re: got a letter from anne

Posted by wishingstar on October 19, 2006, at 10:19:08

In reply to Re: got a letter from anne » wishingstar, posted by TherapyGirl on October 18, 2006, at 19:46:43

thank you bent, elaine, and therapygirl (and everyone else too) for understanding.

Laurie called me back this morning. I told her I was really suicidal and about the letter with anne. She tried to remind me that these feelings are just feelings and dont have any more power than any other feeling, that itll get better eventually, etc.. but it didnt really help. I dont think theres anything that she could say that would help now. She reminded me that I've gotten through this in the past, and I can do it again... it's not that I dont think I can do it (i know i can).. its a choice. I dont WANT to do it.

She encouraged me to call my pdoc. I'm only taking 10mg lexapro (been on it a little over a month) and it's doing nothing. No surprise given that no SSRI has ever worked for me before. My next appointment isnt until Nov 6. I called a few minutes ago, but they cant get me in any earlier. They said I can call randomly to see if there are any cancellations, but its pretty unlikely. Great. THIS is why it's so hard to keep trying.. they (Ts, etc) say to be proactive, take good steps to help yourself.. but what do you do when it doesnt matter what you do? When no matter what steps you take, nothing seems to make one bit of a difference?

I did what someone suggested and went out and bought a bunch of "easy" foods and comfort things last night. Popcorn, cereal, applesauce, mac and cheese.. things that dont require any prep. I dont need any more stress. I bought a new DVD too.

I also called Ginny this morning and asked her to call me if she has any cancellations today. I told her that if I dont hear from her, I'll just assume she doesnt. We'll see.


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