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Re: got a letter from anne » wishingstar

Posted by Lindenblüte on October 17, 2006, at 20:30:09

In reply to Re: got a letter from anne, posted by wishingstar on October 17, 2006, at 19:30:29

You know, Wishingstar,
you are just so raw and open, that even blowing cool air on that wound would be excruciating. You need to remember that you cannot heal overnight, or as soon as you meet a new T. You need some time. Some easy time, something not intense, just support. You don't need to do "work" in therapy right now. You just need support, and someone to tell you that you ARE strong enough to make it through this.
> I saw Ginny this afternoon. I put on my happy face big time, but showed her the letter and we talked about it. I didnt cry there.. I wanted to, but it was just too scary. But she was very supportive. She agreed that it felt sort of abrupt and professional, and could see how it felt too late for me. She commented on how much it would have helped if Anne had said those things a month ago, either in a phone call, a letter, or come by the hospital. That was exactly right. I paid this woman a LOT of money and I think I at least deserved that. Ginny agreed. She didnt act like she thought I was overreacting.. although I didnt bring that up either. Ginny suggested maybe writing Anne a letter in response, but I told her I dont think I will. At this point, I think it might just be dragging things out. If she hasnt gotten it (or responded in the way I want her to) by now, she never will.

yeah, just let it lie for now. let things settle. It's too raw. You're not ready for that. You know yourself best, and you know that you're not ready.

> Ginny told me about the conversation she had with Laurie on Friday. She said that Laurie spoke very highly of me. That's really good to hear.
WS- that's so wonderful. Even in the midst of all of this turbulence in your life and your treatment team-- there's this ray of light- Laurie is shining a ray of light to help you and Ginny start on the right foot. I think that's a beautiful thing. AND it's a beautiful thing that you can take Laurie's kind words to heart. You still love yourself and respect yourself enough that Laurie's words resonate with that part of you.

> I left a message for Laurie this afternoon saying that this Fri probably wont be our last session since I still havent settled with a T down here. Ginny is likely just temporary until I find someone for twice a week. But I also told Laurie that I'm thinking of taking a break from therapy. I know that sounds crazy, but I just need a break. This is all just too hard. Sure, I'd suffer a lot even without therapy, but at least I'd have a little more money.

Yeah, you need a break from "work". Your partial program was really intense. You know, the brain is a very flexible organ, but it takes weeks to recover from a serious workout. You're still adjusting to your medication, and your new T... It's a LOT of stuff to deal with. Just focus on the basics- I eat frozen dinners. Lean Cuisine. And I make sure to always have milk and cereal. It's enough to survive on. Everyonce in a while you get some "good time". Your laundry can wait until you have energy. You don't need to push yourself so hard. It's going to be okay, really.

> Overall I am feeling much calmer now. But truthfully, I just want to die. I cant keep doing this. I told Ginny that. She asked me if I needed to be in the hospital and I said no. But I just cant keep doing this. I just need SOMETHING to go right. I guess it could always be worse.

It could ALWAYS be worse. but!! It WILL get better. You just count the hours. the days. and your next session is your goal. You'll make it. I know you will. You have gotten through a LOT WishingStar. You can make it through this too. Ginny is just getting to know you, and you are just getting to know her. It's going to take some time, but she sounds OK. I'm going to make some chamomile tea now. You want to join me? It's really soothing. If you're comfy where you are, I'll just bring you a cup. you want honey? sugar? straight up?

take care Wishingstar- you've made it through the worst-- you can start to let go of the pain now. really slowly, like sand slipping through your fingers. Anne is history- dust in the wind.





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