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Re: not liking my T's 'other' clients » Dinah

Posted by Jost on October 5, 2006, at 21:08:13

In reply to Re: not liking my T's 'other' clients, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2006, at 20:51:04

I don't observe a one-to-one correspondence between finding other people special and the intense feeling of needing to be more special.

That's part of what's strange-- the feeling that someone is special can be coupled with that sense of lack-- or not.

Just like, some exceptionally smart people make me feel horribly stupid-- and other equally smart people don't. And I've come to the conclusion that whatever it is that makes me feel stupid isn't the person's smartness per se-- but some other quality about how they are, in combination with the smartness.

I'd agree that thinking the other person is special is necessary, but for me, it doesn't seem sufficient for the recapitulation. Certainly, it's a desire for something, which feels at times like reciprocity--yet somehow it also doesn't seem the other person could, in fact, give it to me--under any circumstances. I think, perhaps mistakenly, that even if I were the person's spouse-- I'd still feel this emptiness or gap.

I may be wrong-- but there's something so profound and real in the feeling --and I can have it about people IRL, too--I can't imagine that I ever could feel a sense of importance-- no matter what form the relationship took. I really hate that feeling, too, and often eventually begin to hate the person who causes it.

I don't make any strong distinction between transference and what happens in real life (I'd call all experience transferential-- in a way).

I wonder, though. ? Wish I knew.

Jost


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