Posted by bent on October 5, 2006, at 15:45:49
For a few weeks now I have been pulling away from my T. When I leave after my appointment I am sad, but by the next week, just before my appointment, I am nervous and sure I have no reason to be in therapy. I know this isn’t true, there are things to be discussed but I keep the conversation as superficial as I can. There is one thing that never used to be an issue for me but now is. I hate that my T sees other clients. I don’t feel jealous but I feel like a number. I imagine she is the same way with every client. That there is nothing unique or special about me. I am simply her job. I am what she does for a living. Therapy doesn’t hurt her. I bet she never leaves crying. I bet she says the same things to all her clients. I usually try to get to my appointment just in time as to not see her previous client leaving. Two weeks ago she was running late and sure enough out of her door came this woman a little older than me. I wanted to run away and cry. I think about all the other people who talk to MY T all week and sit in MY chair. It seems weird to me that this is an issue after 4 years of therapy. I have been feeling a lot of anger towards her, but not really justified anger. She hasn’t been different or not as nice as usual. I think it’s just my way of forcing space between us. It’s easier to back away when I am mad at her. We haven’t talked about this. I feel embarrassed saying that I am upset because of her other clients. Maybe someone else has been through this too?
poster:bent
thread:692124
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692124.html