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Had my first massage! ;-) LadyBug

Posted by happyflower on August 5, 2006, at 11:39:58

In reply to Re: Happyflower...How are you?, posted by LadyBug on August 5, 2006, at 0:00:54

Hi Ladybug,

Your T sure sounds like a very caring person. I don't know what kind of surgury you have had, but going through one is tough enough but two, that is a lot of stress on your body and on the mind. Good luck at starting work. Take is easy if you can.

I finished the race! I was slightly quicker than my first one, so I am happy. But I need someone to kick me in the butt half way through because I get into this mental thing like I hate running and what is the point, I will just walk. LOL I need to get over that mental block, I guess my running class at school should help, right?

LOL After the race I had a cinnabon, and a sugar cookie, I got a ballon flower and a massage! It only lasted 5 minutes, but it was my first one ever! It felt soooo good on my sore legs. I think I might have to do it again! ;-)

My DH isn't really showing any interest in saving out marriage. I have told him he needed to get tested for STD's and start therapy, but he hasn't done either. He is the one that broke the contract of marriage, and I feel it is up to him to do the work now if he wants to save it.

In my own mind, I am already divorced. I am slowing distancing myself mentally away from him. It is so hard because it hurts so much and I never thought we would be in this position. I am staying in the marriage for the kids. I know a lot of people disagree with this, and that is fine, but I am doing what is best for me at the moment. I do plan on leaving myself if things don't improve, in 3 years. Until then, I am going to try to work on getting along with him, healing my broken heart, and looking forward to the future.

Someday I will find someone who thinks I am special and someone who is as happy to be with me as I am with them. I don't want to give up on love, but right now I need to concentrate on loving myself and putting myself first. I need to work on me.

I have deceided to quit therapy at the end of the year, because I think I am ready. I feel like I am doing a lot better, and if I need to go back or go past the end of the year, I can. But this is my goal.

I basically have no insurance coverage for therapy unless I wanted to change T's or go to a less experienced one that is training in college. I am going to miss talking to my T like crazy, it will so hard to leave. But I need real relationships in my life, and my relationship with my T isn't a real one, it is fake, he doesn't really care about me beyond me just being a client. That is okay for me, I might as well get used to that. I don't need to pay for his support or his friendship, I will find those elsewhere with someone who can mutually like me back. Is it possible to have two hearts that are broken?

I am looking forward to the future, I have more control over it than my past, I can't change the past, so I must move on and make a difference in this world and in my life. ;-)




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