Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: Susan47

Posted by ElaineM on August 2, 2006, at 22:03:14

In reply to Re: Susan47 Toph, posted by susan47 on August 2, 2006, at 14:37:06

... I sense I'm gonna ramble, so forgive me in advance...

Susan47 (safe hugs), I think it always matters what/who/where a person comes from. I'd like it not to be, but I believe it's very relevant. I really felt for you when you were talking about martyrdom, and how difficult it is knowing what's behind the facade of our familys.

Children aren't born "dark-hearted". I'm glad that you don't think that you were always how you see yourself now -- though from your post, I don't think that you are unworthy of love or friends, or are not a good person, just as you are now. It's true that I don't know you personally, but I would think highly of anyone who sounded so sensitive and introspective, and who actually wanted to learn how to make their life more heart-fulfilling.

It's hard to grow-up in a family that festers behind a clean veneer -- there is no external verification of cruelty or abuse. You start to question "Are they really so bad?", "Is it just me? Am I even worse?" I know those questions well. And it's hard to see parents offer love to everyone but their own child -- you learn to wonder what the h*ll is so vile about you that a parent can't be loving to their own offspring. It's like having hidden bruises -- and those ones hurt most of all.

Sorry, if I went off on a tangent. I really identify with what you were talking about. You do not have to become your parents. I don't have much advice about HOW to change though, except that I like to never hold back when I have the urge to express a positive emotion. It took so long to learn to start having/recognizing them within myself. I feel very un-like my parents when I push aside the old pride and fear and shame I used to feel about "revealing" myself, and any soft or gentle feelings I had for another. I feel like I'm changing from them all the times that I admit that I am wrong -- all the times I apoligize when it's called for -- all the times I forgive others for mistakes -- all the times I'm brave enough to be vulnerable -- all the times I have tears for others. But as for some lovely phrase, or specific advice -- I have neither.

I think the fact that you even Admit that you may sometimes act like they have, is proof that you are already changing from them.

(more safe hugs?) Elaine




Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post

Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.


Start a new thread

Google www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:ElaineM thread:672938