Posted by Racer on July 27, 2006, at 1:11:54
In reply to Re: Of nightmares and transference and shame » Racer, posted by sleepygirl on July 26, 2006, at 21:38:58
There's just a little more to it, Sleepygirl. Not much, but it does go to what you said.
At that agency, I was told -- over and over -- that calling in a crisis was Bad. I wasn't supposed to "need" anything from them, I wasn't supposed to "need" to call anyone there. That, of course, just strengthened my feeling that I was Wrong, Bad, etc, for wanting to call. Not for calling, mind you, but simply for *wanting* to call.
The first T I saw after that actually told me to call and leave a voicemail for her, telling her how I was doing and what was going on, EVERY weekend. She told me that she'd start calling to find me if I didn't. That maybe helped a little, but I was still feeling pretty ashamed for being so pathetic that someone thought I needed that sort of thing. Ugh. Looking back, I really do see some of what my T is saying.
And, of course, the whole thing around PTSD is pretty uncomfortable. I mean, that's for other people, right? And it's certainly not something that happens when you go to see a doctor or a T, right? [uncivil comment on their parents' marital status] That's what they are, rat [uncivil comment on their parents' marital status]. It's hard to realize that the reason that bill arriving triggered nightmares is that I'm having symptoms consistent with PTSD. My T told me that last year, when I first started seeing her. She said then that she thought that whole situation recreated trauma from earlier parts of my life, and that I was showing symptoms of PTSD, although she wasn't quite willing to say it was full blown PTSD at that point. Now, although I'm having a lot of anxiety and shame about it, I think it's a pretty fair explanation of what I'm going through.
Anyway, I'm sorry you're able to empathize, but I'm also glad -- for my own sake -- that you can. Thank you.
poster:Racer
thread:670513
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/671003.html