Posted by Racer on July 18, 2006, at 0:41:22
In reply to Re: get kicked out? » Racer, posted by ElaineM on July 17, 2006, at 22:50:15
> You said that a T sparked an AN episode. Do you find that you react to your T's mood, words, or what you think of your relationship together, with symptoms?
No, I don't think that's ever happened before. That's part of what made it so horrible -- I had been doing pretty well, mostly, for nearly a decade! Within weeks, with this babe, I was hardly eating, had lost about 25 pounds, etc. I'd never had that happen before, nothing like that. She didn't listen to me, contradicted everything I tried to tell her about my own experiences, and tried to convince me that I had a personality disorder -- "if you insist you're not Borderline, maybe you're Narcissistic!" Hello? That's pretty much a no-brainer: I spent years working very, very hard to convince myself I was Good Enough, and worthwhile in some way.
I'm working now to try to get some of it back.
What happened, really, was a recreation of the basic trauma of my childhood -- not being heard, being told that I was Wrong, that my feelings were Wrong, etc. My anxiety went through the roof, I felt trapped in a corner -- the woman had me in an L shaped office, in the little tiny nook at the bottom of the L, in a tiny corner between a counter and a desk, with her between me and the door. I felt trapped both physically and emotionally. And reacted by turning to a coping mechanism that is awfully compelling for me. I *like* being thin, I get so much more done, I have so much more energy, etc. But I hadn't done that in YEARS!
Whoops. Bad T post or not, this is turning ED, and triggering me a bit. Not something to write after dinner -- I feel too disgusting and fat.
> Thanks for sharing about identifying.
Sure, I'm sorry for the identification, but at least we're not alone, eh?
Oh -- wanna hear my Teenage Therapist Trauma story? It might beat yours, or come close...
This was at Langley Porter in San Francisco, by the way. Prestigious, but apparently that doesn't stop it happening even there...
So, I was 13, on my way to the therapist's office, which was horrible anyway. She would tell me I was evil, my mother deserved better, I was ruining her life, etc. (Mother saw the same T, and then we'd see her together, too.) It wasn't a good situation, but I kept going -- I was kinda obedient. One day, a guy followed me off the bus, and grabbed me -- I was sexually assaulted, but someone chased him off. Someone else took me to the campus police, who took a report and took me to my appointment.
The T yelled at me for being late, and then told me that I *hadn't* been sexually assaulted, I was wrong about that, because I was only 13, I was a child, and no one would see me as old enough to be assaulted!!!
The good news is that that was the last straw, and LP finally transferred us to another T...
Scary thought for us all: that woman may still be practicing somewhere...