Posted by All Done on April 19, 2006, at 17:26:12
In reply to Pls read: hubby goes to female T/T is your hubby, posted by orchid on April 19, 2006, at 13:11:37
> How would you feel, if your husband was a T and have all this women who come and tell him their issues and problems and they crave about him all the time?
I would have to accept that it's part of his job before I made the decision to marry him. It wouldn't be fair to me, him, or our marriage if I lived in a constant state of worry and jealousy.
> Also how would you feel, if your husband went to a female T, and tell her all his issues and troubles and innermost issues? And develops a huge transference towards her?
I would have no problem with it. I would want to make sure he was with a T who's therapeutic orientation allowed for transference and I might ask a few questions to see how she handled herself, but overall, I think it would actually help him to understand what I'm struggling with and the process I'm going through. At this point, I might actually welcome it.
> I guess a little of a judgement day for me - I don't think I would have taken either very well. Not well at all.
>
> And I think I owe my T and my T's wife an apology for everything i felt towards him. He belongs to her, and I had no right to demand any friendship from him. And I think I owe my husband even a bigger apology for getting myself into that mess.I don't believe anyone "belongs" to anyone. And I don't think I'm demanding anything from my T. For 50 minutes each session, my T chooses to share with me his mind, his emotions and feelings, and I believe sometimes, his heart. I've thanked him over and over again for that because while I am paying him, it's a very personal service he's providing and I'm glad he chose the profession he did. I don't believe I owe him an apology for working with the process the best way I know how and I don't think he believes I owe him an apology. In fact, he's thanked me for allowing him to do the work he loves and wants to do. True, he would be able to do therapy without me or his other clients who have similar experiences, but it wouldn't be psychodynamic therapy, which is what he chooses to practice, probably because he enjoys it and it's interesting to him.
> What say ya all? I know it is a hard issue for most of us, but I would like an honest answer if possible.
It's already hard enough to be as open as we can be in therapy, but that's how therapy works best. The feelings come naturally because of the way it's set up. I hope others aren't discouraged from sharing their feelings with their therapists. My therapy is about me, not my T or his wife, family, friends, or whoever.
poster:All Done
thread:634800
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060406/msgs/634870.html