Posted by happyflower on March 15, 2006, at 9:15:54
In reply to Re: Those gorgous blue eyes looking into mine..... » happyflower, posted by Daisym on March 14, 2006, at 23:33:08
> Why is it a dinosaur now, instead of an elephant? It should feel a little smaller now that you've talked about it some.
That is a good question Daisy. You know since I told him that I feel a special bond with him, our relationship has deepened ( I think it might have been you that said it would). But yet it isn't just me and my feelings, I think since I told him this, he has deeper feelings for me too.
He even told me in a different circumstance, he would like to be social with me too, and he didn't feel like this with all his clients. I told him I enjoy talking to him and it really sucks, and he said it sucks for him too. But he said we can't be social because it would affect all the good work we have done. But I feel he is struggling with this too.
> I felt a familiar ache when I read your post. Loving like this is really hard. I think perhaps because it comes from such a deep place from us. It is so much more than transference, or erotic fantasy. It is that deep, almost primal pure feeling of deep connection and affection. I have said something similar to what you said, "I didn't know I could feel like this about someone else." It s&cks that I had to find out I could love this deeply with someone who can't reciprocate in anyway.I know you feel this too, Daisy, I know you understand how I feel. It is so hard.
>
> Is it wrong? To love? No. I think this kind of love is very special and it is allowed within the confines of therapy. I think it is actually a wonderful gift he has given you, this awareness that you can feel like this. And he should be flattered that someone as special as you are thinks he is worth loving.Thanks, that makes me feel good about it at least in a way. It is hard to not to wonder how things could have been if we met in other circumstances.
> But acting on these feelings in anyway is unethical. Because this is his work. And not everyone is able to protect themselves and could be taken advantage of. So the rules exist for good reason. We are so vulnerable and there is a power imbalance. He doesn't call you when he is having a hard time, etc. As much as we can rationalize away everything else - his wife, your husband, etc., etc. The thing I remember someone writing is that he would have to give up his life's work to be with you, and that is an enormous thing. Eventually a resentment would set it and then where would you be?
I would never want him to risk his work. But if we did follow the rules, would it be okay?
> I don't know why it has to work like this. I mean, of course I can see how this is a set up for all kinds of deep feelings on our side. And Yes, I can see how they could develop feelings for us too. It is hard to reconcile that the healing is in the relationship when the relationship feels so painful sometimes.
Things are changing all the time with us. I met a couple at the gym during yoga class, and I have talking to them a lot and are becoming friends with them. Well one day my T walks in and sees me talking the guy, and it turns out it is one of his best friends. I didn't know this, the couple doesn't know that I know him. I almost wish my T didn't tell me this, because it now feels weird.
Then just yesterday, one of my gym pals introduces me to this girl who will also be taking beginning running classes with me. Well I have seen my T talking to this women before, so I know that they know each other. Well when I was being introduced to this lady and was talking to her, my T joggs by and smiles at me. It seems like my new friendship network might be meshing with his, and that had to weird for him too. I can see us running into each other in other circumstances now too. I am sure this is a unique situation and it will have to be discussed. We might even be running in the same races too.> ((((Happyflower))))
> I get it. I really do. I just don't know what to do with it.Thank you Daisy for your hugs and support. I am okay for the most part of not having him, but sometimes things happen between us that just makes my heart beat faster, but it also breaks my heart too. But I think I can accept the reality, no matter who hard it is.
poster:happyflower
thread:620284
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060312/msgs/620544.html