Posted by Daisym on February 15, 2006, at 17:57:41
The discussion today was about holding onto my center when confronted with things that make me question my own reality. Like:
I don't have to have sex if I don't want to. This is a really new and interesting idea for me. (New as in the last year, new.) I always thought that since I didn't like it, I should do what he wanted, because he knows best. My therapist said no way, no how...if I don't like it, I don't have to do it. He said that my husband might be right about me never wanting to do anything, but that doesn't change anything. I still shouldn't feel obligated. Really? Really??!!
I don't know how to hold onto what I know. My husband is really good at confusing me. So I asked my therapist to back me up on 4 simple statements: I don't have to consent to oral sex because he likes it. I don't have to give up my own space (my office at home) because he thinks I should be watching TV with him. I don't have to share what I'm talking about in therapy or in my journal, even if he thinks I'm keeping secrets. And I don't have to let him hurt me, even if the hurts are unintentional. By backing me up, I meant giving me permission to believe these things and not try to be "fair" or understanding about my husband's side.
He did, in a very straight forward way. And then I burst into tears. And I have no idea why.
So I need help. How do you guys keep your own center and not let someone guilt you into questioning yourself?