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Re: (((((Dinah))) gardenergirl

Posted by Dinah on January 29, 2006, at 16:33:41

In reply to Re: (((((Dinah))) Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on January 29, 2006, at 15:14:08

> > I know he's human, and I try to make allowances for that. I really do. I even find myself trying not to bother him.
> That's really interesting, in and of itself. It sort of sounds like it could be some kind of parental transference...if it were me, anyway. Something along the lines that children should be seen but not heard? I know my dad seemed to feel that way.

I didn't bother my parents because I was terrified of their rages. But I don't ever recall feeling the need or desire to protect them. I think it just comes from caring about someone, and not wanting to be an additional burden to them when they're already burdened.

> >
> > I don't know. Maybe last week, even though I cried most of the session, maybe I picked up that he wasn't really totally there because he was too sleepy. He apologized for not being his best at the end of the session, and I mumbled something about it being ok, and he answered that it wasn't ok. But that it just was. Then he shrugged.
> I realize it was the end of the session, and I applaud him for saying it's not okay. But the shrug?...I think this deserved more time and talking than you had time for. Saying it just was is a sort of reality thing. But it also has an impact on your feelings and the relationship.

Yeah. I think that was it. I didn't admit to myself how much it bothered me because I was too busy laughing at his radical acceptance of his failings. But underneath that I think his apparent dismissal of how it affected me did sting.

> When you two were fighting to relationship, it seems as if you both were. Are you both now?
> >
> gg

I'm not even sure I am. Most of the time I think I'm better off not fighting to relationship with him. That I've been a d*mned fool for trying soooo hard to maintain a relationship that was fundamentally one sided in reality and only two sided in illusion.




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