Posted by Dinah on January 29, 2006, at 10:15:57
In reply to Re: OCD is quite a bit better » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on January 28, 2006, at 17:42:43
His care has limits. And I'm trying to struggle to accept that, because of course it isn't true in the opposite direction. It's that d*mn imbalance of caring again. He's everything to me (or at least part of me). I'm someone he can cross off his calendar to schedule an emergency dental appointment and not think to call to tell me. I'm an appointment. I'm work.
And he's not as emotionally involved and doesn't feel as responsible for his work and the people who rely on him as I do about my work and the people who rely on me. I tried to reach as many people as I could in the first few days after the hurricane. He tried to reach his clients in November or December. (Except the two who contacted him.) Which when you think about what our respective "work" entails is really pretty revolting.
And however he might care about me in that way he cares about clients, it's still wildly out of balance to how I care about him.
That hurts and it's always going to hurt. When I'm old and grey that's going to hurt. Even if I quit seeing him for whatever reason, that's going to still hurt a lot.
I'm watching the medication changes. I was going on the assumption that the OCD was worsened by the disconnection caused by the Risperdal, and I was right. So I traded depression for anxiety, and I'm ok with that decision right now. I'm not sure if I'm more productive, since I spend hours and hours curled up in bed crying, and my son and husband keep asking me what's wrong. But my body was tired from all that adrenaline.
poster:Dinah
thread:603404
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/604054.html