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Re: horrible story *triggers* James Pfinstegg

Posted by James K on January 27, 2006, at 23:55:56

In reply to Re: horrible story *triggers* James, posted by Pfinstegg on January 27, 2006, at 17:15:39

> Hey, you are very smart!

---thank you.

That's going to help a huge amount in dealing with the traumas you have suffered. And you have a wife by your side- sticking with you- that, too, is a huge asset. i have been in and out of these threads, so I'm not sure- do you have a therapist who can be long-term, and with whom you can develop real feelings of safety?

---No, I know that might be the only way to get all the way through this. I've always quit after a short while. I don't know if it's self sabatoge or bad fit. I pick women therapists and they seem (this is all in my head) to either be charmed by me or have a resentment against me. I don't know if I could be vunerable with a male. So after I've cried a few times and said how unhappy I am, it's time to do something about it and I just don't. I get tired of hearing myself. Or I don't want to change. I'm really not sure. When something goes wrong I run away.

I have insurance that allows unlimited visits for the first time ever, so now is the time. I've burned another bridge with my outpatient program, so start from scratch. My wife brought home the provider list yesterday and I didn't even look at the papers. You've reminded me of them. She has infinite patience.

James K




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