Posted by James K on January 27, 2006, at 17:01:47
In reply to Re: horrible story *triggers* » James K, posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 17:45:45
Tamar,
I've been thinking about what you said. "nobody should be hated as much as you hate yourself." I've never thought of it that way before. I've heard and maybe it didn't sink in, that I'm loveable, and that (whatever people have told me, my mind just went blank). Nobody has ever spoken to the extremeness of my self hate. What a meaningful concept. I wouldn't treat, nor should anyone else, a human being the way I treat myself. (it's not just treatment, it's emotion. too big right now) Thank you for saying something so direct and perceptive.You are also right on the money about my using alchohol as a disinhibitor rather than a numb-er. That is something I've rarely admitted, usually in an emergency room, trying to explain that this day, I drank to do this. As opposed to doing this because I drink.
But as FW and CS and several others are telling me, I have to stay dry. That is very hard for me. I first substance abused when I was 9. I don't know how to do it. That puts this discussion back to the SA board, but I wanted to thank everyone here for all the support, feeling, and advice. Muffled, cricket, fallsfall, alex, Declan (if you're still reading right now) thank you so much. Dang, thank you all pb'ers not on this particular thread, this place has been good for me.
James K
poster:James K
thread:602300
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/603536.html