Posted by Dinah on January 20, 2006, at 17:27:59
In reply to Re: Thanks everyone, posted by fallsfall on January 20, 2006, at 16:54:17
I think I agree with you.
> *** Yes, it does seem like a variant of lowering expectations...
The more I think of it, it seems exactly like lowering expectations. It's just lowering expectations and doing what I can to get what I want or need anyway. Instead of lowering expectations and withdrawing.
Sort of like changing tactics when you know your spouse will never change in say, picking up. You can change from picking up for them to tolerating the mess, or vice versa.
>
> But it will be hard for me to overcome the feeling that I'm being a nag or pest, when he's the one with the higher position of authority. I'll try.
>
> *** This actually would probably be a valuable lesson. Just because someone is in authority doesn't mean that they always know best. There is a balance, where you have to learn how the authority figure says "That's enough, it's my decision to make". And that is something that each person does a little differently.Yeah. I think I tend to read what he says as disapproval. So that if I call him because he hadn't called me yet and he says "I was going to call you as soon as I..." I take that as saying I shouldn't have called. He said I should take it as him saying that we were on the same page. So maybe he's saying that I should ask instead of assuming.
> > He also wondered aloud if his recent therapeutic strategy of increased therapeutic transparency was the wisest choice given the fact that I took what he said about another situation and applied it to me. I'm glad he has a thought out plan regarding it. I wasn't sure. I still don't quite understand what he said in that regard. But as long as he has a plan, I guess I'll trust him to know what he's doing.
>
> *** Yes, it is nice that he has a plan. Personally, I think he took the plan too far...I hate it when they use psychological jargon that can either mean more than one thing, or that I don't quite grasp. I followed up a little bit, but still didn't understand, and there were things I wanted to talk about more, so I let it drop.
Plus, I guess I like the result, so I don't really want him to rethink it. Plus, he didn't like the way I reflected what I thought he said. And I'd had enough drama for the day to want to risk being wrong again. Especially since the "wrong" was apparently insulting to him. (See, I understand psychological jargon so little that I don't even understand what *I* said.)
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> *** It sounds like it was a valuable session in that some important things were discussed. I'm glad.Yeah, I think it was. And although I left feeling unsatisfied and anxious, I feel surprisingly better today. I haven't needed tranquilizers at all. Even with a partial day at the office, and some rather gutsy conversations with my boss. I was rather direct about saying that we worker bees are ill prepared for what they're asking us to do (I'm not the only one who thinks so), and that we should be given more direction. I don't think he was altogether happy with what I said. And still I'm ok.
I really do do better with regular therapy. There's something about support or containment or something that I'm not sure I understand.
poster:Dinah
thread:600494
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/601187.html