Posted by fallsfall on January 20, 2006, at 16:54:17
In reply to Thanks everyone, posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 20:01:43
I think that there is some validity to your therapist's plan. But at the same time, parts of it bother me.
> He doesn't want me to lower my expectations, or to do my second choice, which was to say no to any plan that involved him remembering to call me. He says he thinks we've entered a more collaborative phase of therapy, and that I should take more responsibility for getting my needs met with him.
*** This sounds like a cop out on his part. He can't be reliable, so he makes it your job to make him reliable...
He wants me to call if he doesn't call me if we had discussed meeting, and ask if the meeting was still possible or if circumstances had changed, instead of waiting and getting angry.
*** This is an unusual model for therapy.
>He says my usual strategy for dealing with disappointment and hurt was to lower my expectations, and he'd like me to try another one.
*** This I *DO* agree with. I like the idea of you sticking up for yourself. I like the idea of you using a different strategy. I like the idea of you NOT lowering your expectations.
>
> I guess that's no worse feeling than lowered expectations (although it seems a variant of lowered expectations to me).*** Yes, it does seem like a variant of lowering expectations...
But it will be hard for me to overcome the feeling that I'm being a nag or pest, when he's the one with the higher position of authority. I'll try.
*** This actually would probably be a valuable lesson. Just because someone is in authority doesn't mean that they always know best. There is a balance, where you have to learn how the authority figure says "That's enough, it's my decision to make". And that is something that each person does a little differently.
>
> He also wondered aloud if his recent therapeutic strategy of increased therapeutic transparency was the wisest choice given the fact that I took what he said about another situation and applied it to me. I'm glad he has a thought out plan regarding it. I wasn't sure. I still don't quite understand what he said in that regard. But as long as he has a plan, I guess I'll trust him to know what he's doing.*** Yes, it is nice that he has a plan. Personally, I think he took the plan too far...
*** It sounds like it was a valuable session in that some important things were discussed. I'm glad.
poster:fallsfall
thread:600494
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/601170.html