Posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 15:53:15
In reply to validating pain???...**trigger**, posted by B2chica on December 11, 2005, at 15:11:56
> ok, so i've layed out most of my cards on the table with my T. now i'm looking back on them and wondering if they were really MY cards?
***Thats SO weird, thats exactly what I been thinking.
I have decided that I ALWAYS been crazy.the realization i think is starting to come, but i'm not letting it in. i had to see the person that hurt me this weekend... and i think (confused ME) that i actually wanted him to touch me sexually or try to hurt me...(lost ME) i feel like if he doesn't do it now then how could he have done it years ago?
***Good topic to hash out with your T. What was the motivation for you in all this? What was missing in your life?
> (needing alittle help ME)everything was fine this weekend, he didn't even come close to me...(helpless ME)i think i actually felt disappointed.
***well you WERE perhaps looking for an answer...
>
> i have NO idea how to bring this up to my T, or should i?*** You could bring in this post....
> maybe mom was right, i ask for deviant pain. maybe i did want all that sexual attention when i was young???
***My inside kid told me that she was bad cuz something happened and she liked it. I have no idea what she is talking about? I wrote a post to you once and erased it about how I got kids 7&9, and that my younger one a girl,is very needy. I try very hard to give her what she needs. if I didn't and her brother (who she adores) approached her, I really have no doubt in my mind that should would dysfunctionally 'get what she thot she needed' fom him. And I don't doubt that some part of her would like it. Otherwise why else would she do it? This all seems very logical to me. And not wrong or bad. Just her trying in her kid way to get what she needed, thats all. But of course its different when its your own life.
And did it even happen? I don't know. But I think that sort of thing happens not too infrequently.
Sorry if I am way off base here.....
I am desprately trying to find words...> should i just get it over with and hang myself in my closet?
***Not a good option.
>i'm so disgusting, i can't even stand it right now. on the other hand i feel i deserve all this pain x10. i can't win, i s@ck, i should be burried in a hole 30 feet deep and covered with trash.
***Sorry (((B2))) that its SO intense for you right now. But remember the waves. This will pass. You are not alone in this. You tough, just keep fighting.
Muffled.
P.S. you can babblemail me if you want
>
poster:muffled
thread:588095
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588112.html