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Re: validating pain???...**trigger** » B2chica

Posted by gardenergirl on December 11, 2005, at 17:04:06

In reply to validating pain???...**trigger**, posted by B2chica on December 11, 2005, at 15:11:56

Oh sweetie, that sounds so confusing and painful. I'm sorry you had those experiences. And the shame and feeling stupid and wrong...I can understand where those feelings come from. I've had some like that in a similar situation.

But you know, it's not your shame. It's not. You were a child, and someone preyed on you. You didn't ask for it. But whoever it was somehow knew how they could get away with it. Predators are very good at that. They are good at acting in such a way that they make their victims feel responsible. And they try to make the victim feel special. So how confusing must it be for a child to feel special, and maybe even have some physical reactions that are perfectly natural, and yet also feel that this is wrong wrong wrong? I think any child would doubt their intuition and would be confused. How could you not be?

And seeing him again...I'm sure it takes you back to that young and confusing time with all kinds of mixed and conflicting feelings. When we are children, we are not able to sort throught this complicated jumble of seemingly opposing feelings. So we feel bad or ashamed for having "bad feelings" which are otherwise perfectly natural and understandable.

Goodness, sex and sexuality...sexual feelings can be confusing and complicated enough. Throw in societal norms and views of how girls "should and should not" feel, regardless of what our bodies feel and do...it's not an easy thing to feel easy about. Predators just really screw that all up way way more. And that is a shame.

It's THEIR SHAME.

((((b2chica)))))

Take gentle care and try to be easy with yourself.

gg

 

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poster:gardenergirl thread:588095
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588146.html