Posted by Tamar on October 26, 2005, at 8:07:54
In reply to Re: What's the difference between..., posted by alexandra_k on October 26, 2005, at 6:11:08
> sounds to me like... mostly you are talking about grieving. for past hurts. and i think... some of that probably does need to be grieved for. most especially the stuff that comes up spontaneously at inappropriate times. or stuff that does recurr.
Yes, I think that’s true.
> grief can be hard...
>
> sometimes... espcially when we beat ourselves up for being upset about something 'silly' or whatever... then we don't really work through it. sometimes... that can lead to going around in circles. aggrivate it even.That makes a lot of sense.
> but sometimes... if you can just feel the pain. to say that yeah thats how i felt and it hurt. and remembering it hurts. and it probably always will. but once you have 'heard' your hurt. once you have validated your hurt - the way you would validate a kids hurt if you saw them going through the same thing... well... sometimes i think that thats what we need to move on.
Yes, validating it sounds like a good idea. I guess that’s a better way to think of it than feeling sorry for myself.
> and until it gets that... it will recurr.
> and sometimes... it can be about how we conceive of what happened too... if i think 'my father abandoned me' then i feel mad at him. if i think 'he had to get away from her as much as i did' then it is more manageable. i still grieve for having felt abandoned. but it is the difference between anger and hatred of him and my grief. i can work through the anger and hatred of him by getting to the grief. and i can work through the grief by acknowledging those feelings and accepting those feelings and letting myself feel them at appropriate times and soothing myself and caring for myself like... i needed someone else to do for me when i was little.(((((Alex)))))
> sometimes i think it is about... parenting ourself. caring for ourself.
>
> the head circles. where everything seems black. where you feel mad or whatever.. i dunno. they terrify me. i'm not sure what to do with those... but i think i can recognise them now. see that that is where i am at. and i need to get better at... doing or feeling and not focusing on the thinking. there is so very much going on in my experiences i need to get better at concentrating my attention on somehting anything other than my thoughts.Ah, not focusing on the thinking. Yeah, I suppose I focus on the thinking and then it’s hard to feel. I’m not entirely sure how make the shift from thinking to feeling. If I recall, the CBT stuff seems to suggest noticing what we’re feeling and trying to identify the thoughts that go with the feelings. Maybe it could work the other way around? Notice what we’re thinking and try to identify the feelings that go with the thoughts? Is that still cognitive, or is it then affective? (Must stop thinking, must stop thinking…)
Thanks Alex.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:571839
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/572021.html