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Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?) » greyskyeyes

Posted by Tamar on September 27, 2005, at 6:17:30

In reply to Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?), posted by greyskyeyes on September 26, 2005, at 15:55:21

Hi Grey,

I had a few temper-tantrums when I was very depressed and it’s a horrible feeling, so I sympathise. I also wanted to hurt myself (it was either myself or someone else…). And it was always over something insignificant. I also *really* didn’t want to talk about it because I was so ashamed of it and I was so worried about what my therapist might think of me. But he was brilliant. He asked me a few hard questions that were painful to answer, but he also got me to think about why I reacted the way I did and that helped a lot. In my case I was always triggered by something and I completely lost the plot. I’ve learned to recognise those triggers now and I’m getting better at articulating my reactions in words, and I’ve talked about it a lot with my husband, so he has more idea of what my triggers are and why I react the way I do. We usually manage to avert a full tantrum nowadays. So I do think talking about it in therapy can be very helpful.

I think you’re absolutely right about the transference. And it makes perfect sense that you would worry about how your therapist will respond to this. I’m glad you’ve already experienced her as accepting, because I hope you will be able to believe that she won’t hold it against you. If anything, I imagine she will feel compassion for you because she will understand that this is very difficult for you, and I imagine she will be impressed at your courage in talking about it.

You say you’re sad that it took you a long time to figure it out, but I think these things conceal themselves. It does take time to figure them out. And you’re obviously making good progress because you’ve been able to figure it out. So don’t be too hard on yourself!

As for how to begin… maybe you could start by saying there’s something you want to talk about but you’re worried about how she might react. Or something like that. And maybe, if it’s possible, it might be helpful for you to talk to her about it before your joint session with your husband. I imagine that saying it all in front of him could be quite difficult.

I hope it goes well.





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