Posted by Poet on September 20, 2005, at 22:03:57
Even with my T helping me write a letter to pdoc (henceforth Dr. Clueless) with my concerns, I just couldn't do it. I kept ripping it up. I signed an agreement that T could call pdoc. No talking about my childhood. Just explain my trouble talking and trusting. My concerns with pdoc suggesting meds that I think I need and that I do not think that I have Asperger's Syndrome or any form of autism.
I called T before I saw pdoc to see if they talked. T thinks Dr. Clueless is brilliant. She never saw me in the light that pdoc does.
I told T that I do not have Asperger's. Yes, my verbal skills developed young. Yes, my math skills are non-existant. But I have a sense of humor, understand sarcasm (dish it out with the best of them) and am pretty darn sure I can read facial expressions correctly. If I can't take away my degree in film history because I obviously misunderstood all those silent movies.
T- yes, but I think you need to see what you do have in common with people who... This isn't autism, it just explains so many things.
I told T that I was going to fire her or pdoc. She said not to fire her on the phone, wait until I see her Thursday. I told pdoc (after she wrote out my prescription- she actually looked at her notes to see what I am on.) that I am close to firing both of them. She said *don't fire anybody. I was going to have you sign an agreement that I can talk to your therapist. But you're not ready for that, yet.* Smile.
BTW her new suggestion is Tai Chi- for my clumsiness and poor coordination. That I am willing to try. At least she didn't suggest more meds. She forgot about the last two suggestion, BTW.
I am just so angry at my T. She says that I am seeing it in black and white. That all I see is a label, a complete diagnosis, not just the parts that fit for me. She deeply cares about me and maybe this might help me to understand myself.
What it's done is make me mad at her. Usually I am mad at myself. Which I probably will be on Thursday when I see her. And won't fire her. Though the mad little kid in me is proud of the tantrum I threw on the phone. I can see myself kicking and screaming on her floor. Who says I can't feel emotions. Anger is an emotion, is it not?
Poet
poster:Poet
thread:557520
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050920/msgs/557520.html