Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 557520

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 33. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long

Posted by Poet on September 20, 2005, at 22:03:57

Even with my T helping me write a letter to pdoc (henceforth Dr. Clueless) with my concerns, I just couldn't do it. I kept ripping it up. I signed an agreement that T could call pdoc. No talking about my childhood. Just explain my trouble talking and trusting. My concerns with pdoc suggesting meds that I think I need and that I do not think that I have Asperger's Syndrome or any form of autism.

I called T before I saw pdoc to see if they talked. T thinks Dr. Clueless is brilliant. She never saw me in the light that pdoc does.

I told T that I do not have Asperger's. Yes, my verbal skills developed young. Yes, my math skills are non-existant. But I have a sense of humor, understand sarcasm (dish it out with the best of them) and am pretty darn sure I can read facial expressions correctly. If I can't take away my degree in film history because I obviously misunderstood all those silent movies.

T- yes, but I think you need to see what you do have in common with people who... This isn't autism, it just explains so many things.

I told T that I was going to fire her or pdoc. She said not to fire her on the phone, wait until I see her Thursday. I told pdoc (after she wrote out my prescription- she actually looked at her notes to see what I am on.) that I am close to firing both of them. She said *don't fire anybody. I was going to have you sign an agreement that I can talk to your therapist. But you're not ready for that, yet.* Smile.

BTW her new suggestion is Tai Chi- for my clumsiness and poor coordination. That I am willing to try. At least she didn't suggest more meds. She forgot about the last two suggestion, BTW.

I am just so angry at my T. She says that I am seeing it in black and white. That all I see is a label, a complete diagnosis, not just the parts that fit for me. She deeply cares about me and maybe this might help me to understand myself.

What it's done is make me mad at her. Usually I am mad at myself. Which I probably will be on Thursday when I see her. And won't fire her. Though the mad little kid in me is proud of the tantrum I threw on the phone. I can see myself kicking and screaming on her floor. Who says I can't feel emotions. Anger is an emotion, is it not?

Poet

 

Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long Poet

Posted by All Done on September 21, 2005, at 2:27:28

In reply to T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long, posted by Poet on September 20, 2005, at 22:03:57

Oh, (((Poet))). I hope you don't give up on your T, yet. It seems to me like you've worked so hard to trust her. Hopefully, that will help you to work this out with her and you will be able to tell her how you're feeling about all of this. Sigh. I wish she hadn't been so quick to jump on the pdoc's bandwagon.

Don't be mad at yourself if you don't fire her on Thursday. In fact, I'd say be proud that you're working through this with her. It could result in some important work, I think.

Sorry you're having to go through it, though :(.

Keep us posted.

Laurie

 

Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat Poet

Posted by Dinah on September 21, 2005, at 5:43:56

In reply to T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long, posted by Poet on September 20, 2005, at 22:03:57

Ugh. Pdoc before this one caused a major rupture in my relationship with my therapist. Therapist thought pdoc was right about me. He doesn't now, after another eight years, but he did then.

I *never* would again give permission for one to speak to the other without my being in the room at the time on conference call. :(

I think it's great you were able to express anger!

 

Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long

Posted by fallsfall on September 21, 2005, at 6:28:31

In reply to T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long, posted by Poet on September 20, 2005, at 22:03:57

Dr. Clueless - I love it!!!

Yes, anger is very much an emotion.

And my therapist keeps telling me that acknowledging it really will help - and I think that he is right. I finally let the trustee who has been dismissing my competence have it on Monday - and I really DO feel better. To hell with the consequences!

So I say - tell your therapist exactly how you feel (isn't that what we are SUPPOSED to do??). Just don't yell loud enough to disturb other people, and don't slam the door on your way out!

Good luck, sweet Poet.

 

Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long Poet

Posted by Shortelise on September 21, 2005, at 13:55:48

In reply to T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long, posted by Poet on September 20, 2005, at 22:03:57

I had a friend once who had Aspergers and was very pleased about it. She was fascinating. And funny. Sarcastic. Could add and subtract with the best of us.

That aside, and it has of course nothing to do with you, but really was merely an aside, wait, or was it??

You know, when I figured out that I have borderline personality disorder, my psychiatrist, when I told him said that there are so many levels of these things, that people are so individual that few fit into these catagories in any cookie-cutter way.

So maybe I do fit some of the BPD criteria. But I am also just me, and there are many factes of me that are not BPD.

But when I did figure it out, the BPD thing about myself, it scared the living bejeezus out of me. I mean, the floor fell from under my feet, and I spun throught the universe untethered for a while. I hated it, still do in fact. But I take solace in the insight it has given me.

The thing about a diagnoses is that you DO take the parts that fit and DISCARD the rest. These things are not one size fits all.

Tai-chi is very cool. Very cool!!! In my city, in the mornings, there are Chinese people in the parks practicing. My psychiatrist uses it himself.

I am a black and white person, and I struggle with it daily.

And last, I send you many warm hugs. I feel for you so much, and wish you to get through this and out the other side with strength and insight.

(((Poet)))

ShortE

 

huh? fallsfall

Posted by Shortelise on September 21, 2005, at 20:46:14

In reply to Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long, posted by fallsfall on September 21, 2005, at 6:28:31

What - we aren't supposed to yell loud? Or slam the door??? Nobody told ME!
:-)

 

Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long Poet

Posted by gardenergirl on September 22, 2005, at 0:10:18

In reply to T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long, posted by Poet on September 20, 2005, at 22:03:57

>
> I called T before I saw pdoc to see if they talked. T thinks Dr. Clueless is brilliant. She never saw me in the light that pdoc does.

Oh ugh. (sorry, gut reaction)
>
> I told T that I do not have Asperger's. Yes, my verbal skills developed young. Yes, my math skills are non-existant. But I have a sense of humor, understand sarcasm (dish it out with the best of them) and am pretty darn sure I can read facial expressions correctly. If I can't take away my degree in film history because I obviously misunderstood all those silent movies.

You know, it could be a math learning disability. Or ADHD. Those things happen and people still get college degrees and function. Or you could just have "Poet-ness". Which actually presents with a lot of charm, if you ask me.
>
>
> BTW her new suggestion is Tai Chi- for my clumsiness and poor coordination. That I am willing to try. At least she didn't suggest more meds. She forgot about the last two suggestion, BTW.

Clutziness and incoordination can go along with ADHD. Ask me about walking into walls that don't ever move, someday. ;) I'm trying to get back into yoga. That helps me some with figuring out where my body is compared to those solid objects.

>
> What it's done is make me mad at her. Usually I am mad at myself. Which I probably will be on Thursday when I see her.

I think you expressed your anger and what it stems from very well. I hope you print out your post and bring it in.

>Though the mad little kid in me is proud of the tantrum I threw on the phone. I can see myself kicking and screaming on her floor. Who says I can't feel emotions. Anger is an emotion, is it not?

You betcha, and it can feel very very authentic to have a trantrum.

Sorry you are struggling with all this.

Take care,

gg

 

Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat Poet

Posted by Racer on September 23, 2005, at 13:19:38

In reply to T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long, posted by Poet on September 20, 2005, at 22:03:57

Ugh, I hate it when "they" get all caught up in their own cleverness like that. It always feels to me as though I'm an afterthought, you know?

As for Asperger's, I can't tell you. It's been strongly suggested that my beloved spouse is Asperger's, and a lot of it fits. Yet, he's one of the funniest people I know -- if you don't mind puns and sarcasm -- and one of the most sensitive to other people. Sensitive to other people, in some ways, that is. There is a big disconnect in him, though, between the sensitivity and the insensitivity. It's hard to explain, but it does fit him into Asperger's about as well as most store-bought clothes fit me. That is, parts of it fits, other parts need a heck of a lot of alterations... I wouldn't sweat it, although I know it's hard as nails not to.

It might be just as well for you to tell both of them how much you resent diagnostic labels -- point out that whatever else they want to call you, you're Poet, and that's the diagnosis that fits you best. Or tell them that you have it on the very best authority -- mine! -- that you have Irregular Polygon Syndrome. You're not a square peg in a round hole, nor a round peg in a square hole, but an irregular polygon who needs your own special niche. That's my "Official" diagnosis, made by me. The insurance company gets another dx, of course, on forms: 296.32, 300.00, 307.10. But I know that I have IPS.

As for the whole thing of Ts and Pdocs talking, I trust my treatment team enough now -- which is a very, very recent development -- that I'm happier having them talk directly. That way, I don't have to try to remember all the things that I should be telling them. After all, I know what's going on with me, and I know how honest I've been with them, so unless one of them is a space alien or pathological liar, I trust that they're all getting a pretty consistent view of what's going on with me, all without me having to worry about it. Again, though, this is a new thing for me. Back in the days of Dr EyeCandy -- a/k/a Dr GraduatedLastInHisClass, a/k/a Dr Klingon (my husband's new name for him) -- and The Therapist With Delusions Of Competence, it was a whole 'nother story. With them, it worked very much against me. Guess it depends on the individuals involved.

I'm so sorry that you're caught up in this. I know how hard it is to find a treatment team made up of individuals that one trusts -- I went through several Ts before finding one who's working out -- and to have this happen when you're on the cusp of that must be like a slap in the face. Yuck.

Congrats, though, on expressing your anger to your T. That's something to celebrate.

 

IPS--You crack up! Funny true 4 many of us! (nm) Racer

Posted by Emily Elizabeth on September 23, 2005, at 16:56:35

In reply to Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat Poet, posted by Racer on September 23, 2005, at 13:19:38

 

Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long All Done

Posted by Poet on September 24, 2005, at 11:28:15

In reply to Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long Poet, posted by All Done on September 21, 2005, at 2:27:28

Hi Laurie,

I didn't fire her, but did let her know exactly why Dr. Clueless is not brilliant.

I am just so frustrated. I thought T was finally understanding me and now this comes along.

I spent the session saying I am not this, this, this. T said I didn't say you were all those things. It's like the color blue, there are many shades.

Paint me fire engine red, because I am still mad, but won't fire T. Pdoc on the other hand...

Poet

 

Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat Dinah

Posted by Poet on September 24, 2005, at 11:35:35

In reply to Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat Poet, posted by Dinah on September 21, 2005, at 5:43:56

Hi Dinah,

I knew signing that permission form was a mistake, I just thought I could trust T to be on my side. She still thinks she was/is.

It better not take another eight years for her to realize that Dr. Clueless isn't right about me.

Sigh.

Poet

 

Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long fallsfall

Posted by Poet on September 24, 2005, at 11:40:56

In reply to Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long, posted by fallsfall on September 21, 2005, at 6:28:31

Hi Fallsfalls,

I hope no one could hear us. Her office is right off the waiting area. Bad for business with the other Ts in the office suite.

I think my very best line was *you are so very wrong it's laughable, too bad people like me don't have a sense of humor isn't it?*

She kept saying, I never said, pdoc never said...My response was it was implied. T thinks that had I been told that I might be more sensitive in certain ways I might not be so angry.

She might be right, but the angry little kid says next time I throw something at her.

Poet

 

Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long Shortelise

Posted by Poet on September 24, 2005, at 11:51:53

In reply to Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long Poet, posted by Shortelise on September 21, 2005, at 13:55:48

Hi ShortE,

T said that perhaps had it been presented differently I wouldn't be so angry. She is probably right as I understand there is a world of difference between autism of any kind and excelling at certain things and more sensitive to certain sounds, smells, etc.

<< The thing about a diagnoses is that you DO take the parts that fit and DISCARD the rest. These things are not one size fits all.

You are so right. I see things as all or nothing. Like you, it's black and white. No gray areas. I am going to do more research and write down things that fit, things that don't. Bring it to my T.

<<Tai-chi is very cool. Very cool!!! In my city, in the mornings, there are Chinese people in the parks practicing. My psychiatrist uses it himself.

T said she would try to find a tape she can loan me, otherwise I am going to see if the library has any tapes or DVDs. If I am doing this it needs to be where no one can see me fall over when I lose balance. That's what I like about water aerobics- the water holds me up!

Poet

 

Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long gardenergirl

Posted by Poet on September 24, 2005, at 12:07:16

In reply to Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long Poet, posted by gardenergirl on September 22, 2005, at 0:10:18

Hi GG,

T has thought for years that I have a learning disability for math. It took me awhile to get over the I am stupid thought pattern. I realize that the teacher's were the stupid ones for not recognizing it. Though in the 60s and 70s (God I am old) they barely recognized reading disabilities. Math was unheard of.

Those walls do jump in front of you and me. Doorways get smaller, too. I tried yoga, but kept falling over. I am going to give Tai Chii a shot. T is going to loan me a tape, plus I can check them out of the library. I like water aerobics because the water keeps me from losing my balance. Too bad they don't do water Tai Chi.

I like *Poet-ness.* It suits me. Thanks for coming up with it.

Poet

 

Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat Racer

Posted by Poet on September 24, 2005, at 12:20:43

In reply to Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat Poet, posted by Racer on September 23, 2005, at 13:19:38

Hi Racer,

Irregular Polygon Syndrome is brilliant! I have IPS. *Poet-ness* (GG's DX for me)with aspects of IPS should be a valid DX for insurance.

I remember Dr. EyeCandy. Perhaps he should form a partnership with Dr. Clueless. Do I hear wedding bells? Or is that my extra sensitive hearing that I don't possess? LOL.

I really thought my T would do okay talking to Dr. Clueless. Though Dr. Clueless failed to bring up previous meds suggestions which leads me to think that either T didn't say it or Dr. Clueless doesn't listen to her either. I see Dr. Clueless for something called meds management. Not being nearly as brilliant as the good doctor, I thought that meant we talk about meds. I must be wrong once again.

I am not a team player, so a treatment team gets me angry from the get go. I do trust me T, but Dr. Clueless is another matter. I hate the idea of going through that eval again. I can't afford to see ex pdoc. Right now I say taper off the damn meds and see what happens.

I am celebrating my anger. I think it took T by surprise. Next session I might just throw something at her. I like this anger thing.

Poet

 

Too bad you don't have a sense of humor Poet

Posted by Racer on September 24, 2005, at 13:08:03

In reply to Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat Racer, posted by Poet on September 24, 2005, at 12:20:43

You crack me up. Throw something that won't hurt her or break, though, 'K?

I forgot to mention something, by the way. I've tried yoga, and fell over and felt totally discombobulated by the whole experience. (It was prescribed for the whole weight thing.) Mostly, Not A Racer Thing At All. Pilates, on the other hand, is right up my alley. Pilates I like. You might try it, if the Tai Chi doesn't do it for you.

What I like about Pilates is that it's all controlled movements, and it's about muscles, rather than grace. (My native grace and poise was surgically excised shortly after birth. Terrible birth defect, had to be done...) Walls DO move, doorways shift to the side for me, rather than getting smaller. Not to mention the patterns in carpets...

I hope that helps, and congrats on your anger. I hope it helps, and becomes your friend.

 

Re: Too bad you don't have a sense of humor Racer

Posted by Poet on September 24, 2005, at 13:38:17

In reply to Too bad you don't have a sense of humor Poet, posted by Racer on September 24, 2005, at 13:08:03

Hi Racer,

Those carpet patterns become three dimensional and trip us. Though hardwood floors trip me, too. Perhaps they become unglued. God knows I become unglued. (ooh, that was funny, I wish I understood humor.)

Poet

 

Re: Too bad you don't have a sense of humor Poet

Posted by gardenergirl on September 24, 2005, at 13:58:34

In reply to Re: Too bad you don't have a sense of humor Racer, posted by Poet on September 24, 2005, at 13:38:17

> Hi Racer,
>
> Those carpet patterns become three dimensional and trip us. Though hardwood floors trip me, too. Perhaps they become unglued. God knows I become unglued. (ooh, that was funny, I wish I understood humor.)

LOL

I wonder if my T tries to interpet why I always look down as I am walking from the waiting room, around the corner, and then into the hallway to his office, where I usually look back up as he follow me in (hate that following!). Well, he may think I don't want to make eye contact, or feel down or whatever.

I'm really trying not to trip over the various threshholds and changes in the floor from carpet to tile to rug to carpet, etc.

It's a very perilous journey!

Glad you like Poet-ness. I think your "dx" (Poet-ness with IPS traits) is just right.

And since I went to elementary school in the 60's/70's that makes me old, too!

gg
>

 

Re: Too bad you don't have a sense of humor gardenergirl

Posted by Poet on September 24, 2005, at 14:05:13

In reply to Re: Too bad you don't have a sense of humor Poet, posted by gardenergirl on September 24, 2005, at 13:58:34

Hi GG,

Dr. Clueless had me try to walk along her carpet border to see if I can walk in a straight line with my eyes closed.

Hope a cop never suspects me of drunk driving, because I know I can't walk a straight line. Dr. Clueless knows it, too. My T already knew, I walked into her door a few weeks ago.

Poet

 

Re: Too bad you don't have a sense of humor gardenergirl

Posted by javableue on September 24, 2005, at 16:58:42

In reply to Re: Too bad you don't have a sense of humor Poet, posted by gardenergirl on September 24, 2005, at 13:58:34

>I wonder if my T tries to interpet why I always look down as I am walking from the waiting room, around the corner, and then into the hallway to his office, where I usually look back up as he follow me in (hate that following!). Well, he may think I don't want to make eye contact, or feel down or whatever.

Amen on the following part... it's creepy! Why do they do that? Mine even did the day of the first session, when I had no idea as to where his office is (the clinic is something of a maze...) and could do nothing but stop and wait for him to show me.

For my part, I'll bet he wonders why I slow down so much around the last corner before his office. That is, unless he noticed that time I walked right into the wall...

jb

 

the following thing...

Posted by 10derHeart on September 24, 2005, at 18:34:25

In reply to Re: Too bad you don't have a sense of humor gardenergirl, posted by javableue on September 24, 2005, at 16:58:42

OMG...I hate it, too!

I don't know why it is for you guys, but I don't want to even imagine, possibly, maybe, he could glance at ANY part of my body for even a second...really, I'm not kidding, the possibility makes me sort of cringe and get all tense and rush toward his office so I can get out from in front of him!

My old T. never did it...I think he *knew.* He always went first, so I got to look, and that was niiiiice ;-)

uhh....can you tell I *really* hate the following thing?

 

Re: the following thing... 10derHeart

Posted by javableue on September 24, 2005, at 19:26:38

In reply to the following thing..., posted by 10derHeart on September 24, 2005, at 18:34:25

>I don't know why it is for you guys, but I don't want to even imagine, possibly, maybe, he could glance at ANY part of my body for even a second...really, I'm not kidding, the possibility makes me sort of cringe and get all tense and rush toward his office so I can get out from in front of him!

I hate that too... maybe not exclusively in the sense you might have meant, but also just in the sense of being watched and having no idea. I mean, I hate it when he looks at me even normally during a session, but at least then I'm aware, whether I like it or not.

He does, however, walk in front of me back to the waiting room at the end. That's lead me to wonder whether, at least in his case, it's to help define the therapy setting. I don't know how to phrase it better than that, though, I know that's really vague.

jb

 

Dr EyeCandy didn't follow me...

Posted by Racer on September 24, 2005, at 21:29:13

In reply to Re: the following thing... 10derHeart, posted by javableue on September 24, 2005, at 19:26:38

The only time he met me out in the reception area, he walked me to his office by walking back to it on his long stilt legs, much faster than I walked. I just followed along, way back there. (OK, I did check, but his pants were a bit loose fitting to know if his butt was that cute.) Anyway, while it sounds as though it's better than being followed, I did kinda feel as though he was trying to "get away from" or "not be seen with" his patients. {shrug} Maybe that's why they walk behind and watch? So that we don't think they're trying to run away from us?

Or maybe they're trying to make sure we don't have a chance to bolt?

My new T, who has no name as yet, usually calls me from her office -- she doesn't share, and is in a great building with a koi pond in the center -- and meets me in there. And Dr CattleProd opens the door into the reception area, looks at me, and I know it's time to stand up and march in. Come to think of it, I guess he is behind me, but I don't think about that. Or, at least, I never did until now.

Drat you all! Now I'm going to think about it next time I see him, and probably do the Quasimodo thing on my way to where I fall down and hurt something!

 

Re: the following thing...

Posted by happyflower on September 26, 2005, at 2:38:20

In reply to Re: the following thing... 10derHeart, posted by javableue on September 24, 2005, at 19:26:38

Yeah, well at least your T doesn't decide to exercise on a bicycle behind you while I was walking on the treadmill!!!! I HATE IT, he has done it twice now, and hate to know what he is looking at and especially what he thinks of my big butt, not pretty I say. I bet he was thinking, I didn't realize she had such a fat butt, until now. But then again since he did it twice, maybe he likes looking at my big butt! LOL

Okay, I feel my face turning red again. LOL
Then of course there was the time when I first ran into him at the gym, where he ran right past me on the track during my walking time test, I didn't know he worked out there, and I could of just DIED on the spot. Of course I had another lap to go and I had to have the embarrestment of him passing me twice. AND YOU KNOW IF THEY ARE MALE, YOU KNOW THEY LOOK! AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!! Okay I am hanging my head in shame. LOL
You know I have a weird walk anyways and am self conscience about it a lot, so I don't like it either when he stands at his door while I walk into his office.

 

Re: T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long Poet

Posted by terrics on September 29, 2005, at 10:14:03

In reply to T Thinks Pdoc is brilliant Argh!!!! Somewhat long, posted by Poet on September 20, 2005, at 22:03:57

Hi Poet, I just read your post. Your dx. sounds insane to me. I work in special ed. from psych to profoundly retared including Asperger's and autism. Even from your posts I think I can tell the p-doc and T are off on your dx. I think most people have some traits of many things. The psych. professionals seem to be the ones who see things in black and white. They say I am borderline more because of 2 traits then because of anything else. I argue, but it is usless. So as the 12 step programs say: 'Take what you need and leave the rest.' terrics


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