Posted by messadivoce on September 19, 2005, at 1:55:10
I wish
that I could have cried.It's been nearly 2 years now since I've last seen him
sat in his officebut I still wish that I could have cried all those tears
my heart often felt like it was being squeezed
and my breath came in gaspsbut I couldn't cry in front of him
I could be vulnerable, but not that vulnerable
and yet I have been less close with other human beings and still cried in front of them
I wish I could say his name to you all.
But something keeps me from doing that even though I wish I couldHis name means so much.
It means "beloved, greatly loved"I was afraid of him at first
and then his gentleness coaxed out all that pain
and I began to trust him, a little
and before I knew it, I loved him
with a savagery and completeness that wiped out
everything elseI loved him. His name wasn't a mistake. It was a gift.
And there is still a hole where he used to be.
poster:messadivoce
thread:556736
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/556736.html