Posted by Racer on August 4, 2005, at 23:23:38
In reply to Re: Pretty much seconding GG » Racer, posted by sleepygirl on August 4, 2005, at 22:52:37
> Hi Racer,
> I kind of enjoy you on your soap box. Who had the nerve to kick it out from under you?!! I like the whole 'here and now' thing. Yes, and it's a lot of shame. But I have trouble connecting to it, the where and the why and the how of it, and I simply don't remember too much except a lot of pain. Sometimes I feel like I've stumbled into the country called "not completely and totally objectionable" and I am just waiting for someone to ask me for my passport because I don't have one, and I am here illegally. If that makes no sense to you, then you are not alone. Thanks for the no hierarchy of pain talk, it helps not to feel like I have to justify myself. Well thank you Racer and take care. :-)
> sleepyThanks for saying those nice things about me.
Listen, when I look back on my adolescence, all I can see at first is this big, miasmic, indistinct landscape. It hurts almost too much to remember specific incidents, and I am pretty much only aware of pain when I try to.
Guess what? I'm over 40, and I still have a hell of a time remembering incidents that occurred when I was 15??? I'm over 40 and I am still unbearably ashamed of something that happened in my teens? You can probably see the problem, right? :^P
The point is, though, that when you do look back, and you grit your teeth and open your inner eyes, and look at what really happened, at all the details you can remember -- guess what? If you can really look at it, with your eyes really open? Instead of that half-averted gaze that you're used to using for the exercise? You know what you're most likely to see? You'll see that you have no reason to be ashamed. You'll see the incident with set of new, adult eyes, and you'll be able to feel something else -- whether that's compassion for a child who didn't have a lot of protection, or anger towards an adult who failed that child, or just a sense of love and protection towards yourself for having experienced it, well, that I can't tell you. Just trust me -- if you look honestly, you will see it differently.
Best luck to you.
(And feel free to babblemail me if you want to whisper secrets about this sort of thing.)
poster:Racer
thread:537257
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050801/msgs/537687.html