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Pretty much seconding GG

Posted by Racer on August 4, 2005, at 16:30:56

In reply to Re: no talking about past?? maybe sleepygirl, posted by gardenergirl on August 3, 2005, at 22:14:22

> > So I'm trying to talk about my adolescence, one of the more painful periods of my life. But, it seems I can't really explain it to my therapist, and I'm not really sure he wants to hear it.
>
>
I don't know that it really matters so much whether he wants to hear it or not, and I am not sure how much it matters that you actually do talk about your adolescence -- a part of my life I would love not to have lived through, personally -- but I do think it matters a LOT that you discuss your inability to talk about it... Make sense? The inability to talk about that period of your life is in the here and now, no matter where the period itself might be located in time.

My session yesterday was all about shame, so that's on my mind today. (A shameful day, by the way, for many reasons...) Is it shame that keeps you from talking about your adolescence? I know it's shame in my case -- even though, as an adult, I can see that the shame is mostly misplaced.

(And, if you want a smile, ask yourself what happened to all those people who were so happy and well-adjusted through high school? Seems as an adult, I never meet any of them -- maybe there's a re-education camp in New Mexico for them? ;-D)
>
> > I sometimes feel like I'm a pain in the *ss dredging up the past and all.
>
> I have had this feeling before, too. Like I'm a big whiner, and I should just "get over it." But my T never validates that feeling. He reminds me that my childhood did have really painful aspects, and this pain is still with me. I fall into the trap of saying to myself, "It wasn't THAT bad. Why am I so upset?"
>

Repeat after me:

THERE IS NO HEIRARCHY OF SUFFERING.

Period.

It doesn't matter so much what actually happened to any of us -- most of us suffered something, at some point. There's no one-up-manship to it. It happened, and -- good, bad, or indifferent -- it affected us. Some of those bad things that might have happened can end up having a good effect: that's the adversity that makes us stronger, through our striving to overcome it. Then there are the things that might have been good, had we had the support to put them into context. The lasting effects matter more than the events themselves.

So, get over that whole issue of "It wasn't *that* bad..." It was that bad if it felt that bad.

OK. Who kicked that soapbox out from under me?

I'm done now and will go sit quietly in the corner again...


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Racer thread:537257
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050801/msgs/537546.html