Posted by Aphrodite on June 22, 2005, at 15:12:21
In reply to Confusing Session, posted by daisym on June 22, 2005, at 0:45:42
> I also told him I was tired of leaving sessions upset and in pieces, it was too hard to keep trying to put myself back together.I would be interested in how he responded to this. Are you feeling like that all the time or just lately since this subject has arisen?
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>We talked about my attempt to build another triangle (a reenactment) similar to my mom, my dad and myself. It got uncomfortable and I moved away from it.Maybe you should gently return to this? If you're anything like me, wanting to divert and change topics means I have gotten dangerously close to something powerful.
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> So, why does my chest hurt tonight and how come I feel so completely alone? I'd really like to hear how you guys talk about your intense feelings, especially if they have sexual overtones, for your therapist and what you did/are doing about them. Is it more acceptable to have childlike longings to be taken care of than it is to have these more adult type feelings?I've not had sexual feelings for my T, so I can't answer the question from experience, but I've often thought about how my child-like connection to him -- the way I act, the words I use -- could very easily be confused with sexual adult interaction. It seems like the line between your adult feelings for your T and your kid needs for him could blur. When I feel connected to my T, I'll tell him that I am going to miss him if there is some kind of break, I'll tell him how much I care about him, when things have been very hard and he's said something touching, I'll tell him that I love him and he often reciprocates all of the things I said. Of course, my body and my voice and all of my gestures are that of a six year old talking to a caring mommy. But the contents are very similar to what lovers would say and do. I can see how easily it could morph into transfered sexual feelings and go back and forth. I think Freud was onto something:)
I got a little long-winded, but I was trying to make a point about how understandable it would be that the feelings interchange fleetingly. I know it's hard for you to not have control over this, but I am proud of you for telling him. Your T sounds like a Rock of Gibraltar and he can be steady as he absorbs your pain and confusion.
I hope things get better -- I hate, hate, hate that falling to pieces after therapy phenomenon. It's so unpredicatable:( Wish I had some words of advice about that, but I'm right there with you. It's miserable and lonely. Let's hang in there together.
poster:Aphrodite
thread:516928
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/517111.html